The Single Life: A Woman's Guide to the Perfect Blowjob

The Single Life: A Woman's Guide to the Perfect Blowjob

Sucking dick is my single most favorite thing to do. In the world.

I have other skills and interests coincidentally also involving my mouth, but nothing turns me on more, takes my breath away, makes my tummy tingle or satisfies my urge to service more than giving a guy the best head he's ever had in his entire life. And then him telling me so.

You, too, can learn how to give the perfect blowjob. I'd like to think I've mastered the art

through loads of practice and knowing instinctually what the opposite sex wants during oral sex, but really it's because I 100 percent worship the penis. For you cock-swallowing novices, the No. 1 rule of performing the act - is not to. When you get off on what you do, it shows.

I'm not very discerning when it comes to the stick. I really do love them all: big, small, fat,

skinny, cut, uncut, even the deformed one I came across years ago. I am an equal opportunity penis enthusiast; each one has a different personality, as well as individual preferences regarding sensitivity, pace and pressure. What works on one may not work on the rest. You just have to experiment.

The first guy I ever sucked off was a CIT at my Jewish Camp. He was a 15-year-old albino kid named Keith; I was 13 and had braces. We would meet up in an abandoned bunkhouse in the woods every day on a stack of dirty mattresses under a window. This was my training ground and once I mastered how not to cut him with a mouthful of steel, when I got home to Brooklyn I started giving lessons to all my little buddies.

Apparently, according to my cousin Jennifer, I had mailed her a card with one of the albino kid's white pubic hairs in it, one that had gotten stuck in my braces. I remember it being a souvenir I was extremely proud of, but more importantly at the time it was evidence to back up my claims.

I got really good at deep-throating that summer and I decided to share what I learned when I got home. Back in the day when I was teaching my teen friends, I demonstrated on pickles or vegetables I found in our parents' refrigerators, and then they'd mimic my actions on their own organic dildos. For good measure I'd bust out the ice cream and we'd act like it was cum and lick it up dripping off the sides of whatever we were practicing on.

Ladies, if you'd like to perfect your own technique in privacy, grab a variety of produce from your local store and spread them out on a table. Try sucking first on a skinny zucchini, then a fat cucumber, and a long carrot, even a string bean because trust me, they can come that small. Experiment with your own array of crudité to learn about different shapes, sizes, widths and lengths, as well as train your throat to control your gag reflex.

The Single Life: A Woman's Guide to the Perfect Blowjob

My co-host Chris Leary on my MavTV show, "The Single Life with Sam Phillips," has a

nickname for me: The Oral Bandit. We often joke on air that my home is a revolving door of dudes and there's a line down the street waiting to receive my services. I've been told I give the best head by hundreds and hundreds of guys; I've even had one go on Howard Stern and publicly admit so. At this point I'm thinking I should look into conducting cock-sucking seminars for women who are looking to better their abilities. I mean why be selfish and keep all these secrets to myself?

I'm going to start by chronicling here the many methods I've learned over the years. Look for the next two installments of The Single Life on AfterDarkLA.com to teach you everything I know about oral sex, and soon you too will have a waiting list, just like me!

To hear more of The Single Life go to www.thesinglelife.hottalkla.com


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