The Big Blue Dildo. Memorabilia for My Muff.

When you break up with someone, there often are leftover artifacts that unbearably remind you of the happier times of the relationship. Some common items:

• the blanket you cuddled under on cold days

• the giant sweatshirt you wore on fat days

• the pillow you used to prop up your hips on sex days

My breakup wasn't dramatic, it wasn't soul scarring, and it certainly wasn't an event that left either of us crying alone in a corner humming "our song" and burning old photos. So when I see various objects around the house that remind me of my former love, I feel perfectly fine.

But I've realized there's one item that hits a nerve, and not in a good way. It's my big blue dildo.

Let me explain.

When he and I first got together, it was after a tight two-year friendship and we were as close as you could get to being gf/bf minus the sex. So when we found our first summer as a couple was to be spent 3,000 miles apart (him in L.A., me in NYC) we were bummed.

A few weeks into my big-city summer, I found myself wandering the Lower East Side and into a store called Babes in Toyland (now known simply as Babeland). This was my first introduction to the world of sex toys.

I was inspired to find a dildo that resembled the shape of my beau's tool. That led me to Dino (manufacturer's name, not mine), a solid silicone item made to last forever.

Dino went from the summer's boyfriend replacement to a regular fixture in our bedroom for years following his purchase.

SIDENOTE: Dildos are great with oral sex. Start practicing, guys, she'll think you're a god.

Dino still sits in my toy chest today, as solid and blue as the day I bought him. He has roommates now -- pink ones, wood ones, curvy ones -- but despite his foolproof ability, I've consciously bypassed his little velvet pouch.

Partly because of Dino's physical likeness to my former beau, and partly due to the slew of wonderful memories he triggers.

But I think the most painful is the realization that this dildo, made to withstand years of use and abuse, will always be there. It won't deteriorate over time. It won't crumble or dissolve, and it'll always make me feel good. It guarantees everything that a relationship can't.

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