Listen up everybody! Los Angeles-based research group IBISWorld has actually found 10 industries that are making a buck in our freefalling economy. The hard-headed bunch at IBISWorld are not types given to cheery assessments ("Rotten Eggs For Retailers This Easter" is one of their recent reports), but they sound genuinely buzzed that they've found 10 areas of growth on America's current business tundra -- in which a mere five percent of companies are turning profits. Here are the lucky industries, followed by L.A. Daily's own rather non-scientific explanations for their success.
1. Voice Over Internet Protocol Providers: +20.1%
Why: No one can afford to be gouged by landline monopolies like AT&T.
2.ecommerce/online auctions: +12.6%
Why: People selling their junk to make rent.
3. Biotechnology: +10.3%
Why: OctoMom copycats.
4. Engine, Turbine & Power Transmission Mfg: +10.0%
Why: Another way of saying, "Monster trucks" - the perfect escape from a new age of limited expectations
5. Scheduled Bus Service: +9.25%
Why: Fewer people can afford cars or gas.
6. Court Reporting Services: +7.7%
Why: Increase of indictments against investment brokers.
7. Community Housing Services: +7.5%
Why: Homelessness, domestic violence, crisis intervention - how could
an industry handling these tasks miss during an economic meltdown?
8. Search Engines: +6.5%
Why: More people looking for journalism jobs.
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9. Family Counseling: +6.1%
Why: Some parents have heard that not all recessions must result in murder-suicides.
10. Video Games: +5.8%
Why: An upsurge in use among politicians and economists when confronted with having to find solutions to the economic crisis.