Survey: Men Masturbate at Work, in Traffic, Anywhere a Boner Pops Up

Someone's excited...
Someone's excited...

Under rows of fluorescent rectangular lights, the sounds of furious typing, humming computer monitors, and ringing phones fill your ears. Ah, the office.

But there may be an extracurricular -- private -- activity taking place behind the bureau walls to which you might be completely oblivious.

Fap.

Fap.

Fap.

Your male colleague might be getting himself off with his right hand while the left controls the Google search bar on his computer screen -- yes, way -- a 31 percent likelihood, believe it or not.

A recent Glamour magazine survey about money, sex and relationship thoughts polled 1,000 men and asked them to admit to the various inappropriate places where they've wanked off.

This is what they confessed:


At work: 31%


While visiting my parents' house: 31%


At a party: 10%


While driving: 24%


(of 1,000 male survey takers)

Wait a minute. Driving? The majority 24 percent must have tinted windows -- at least, I hope. And does masturbating at party make you anti-social, since a party is considered a place where people gather to interact and, well, not jerk off alone? I wonder how it's even possible to get it up in an environment where everybody's shit-faced and left various contributions in a soiled bathroom. Ew.

As for the ones who've done it while visiting their parent's house -- I can understand that one. Home is where the heart is and where the boner feels comfortable.

Not too long after I discovered this survey, I conversed with a male friend and brought up the surprising percentage of men who've jerked it at work. He nonchalantly said he's done it -- and he believes 31 percent is not the real deal, suspecting that the survey takers weren't completely honest.

My friend is a straight talker and (believe it or not) very professional, so I asked why he would ever do something like that in a work environment. His response: Guys get boners very often in the day and acting upon it occasionally comes easy and naturally. No matter where they are.

So, if you're ever stuck in traffic or passing the men's restroom at the office, try not to think about all the things that could be (or probably are) going down...not so far away from you.

Unless that turns you on. Go for it.


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