There were way too many stupid alleged criminals to chose from this year. So we'll kick off The Informer's 2011 year-end lists with a solid, entertaining Top 5 of reported retardos, from a suspect said to have videotaped his endeavor to the genius who is accused of putting his underage fantasy on Craigslist -- multiple times:
5. Alex Eljabiri. Cops really like this suspect because, they say, he made their job so much easier. Eljabiri is accused of burglarizing a residence on 28th Avenue in Venice last spring. You know how they can tell? He allegedly captured the event on video -- on a stolen iPod.
4. Christian Borro. If the last guy made authorities' work a little easier, this suspect helped out just as much or more. Borro, a San Diego community college student, is accused of rolling up to a patrol unit in downtown L.A. last summer and declaring to the cops inside, "Officer, I just stole this car." He was, of course, arrested.
3, Ahmad Mabrok. Look, if you're going to steal a white Hummer stretch limo, as Mabrok is accused of doing in Orange County, than at least stay dressed as authorities inevitably find you (in a vehicle the size of some island nations). Unfortunately for this suspect, sometime during a police chase he disrobed and then, with TV news choppers watching (for your benefit), he stopped the SUV and ran away, al fresco, only be nabbed ... by police dogs. Ouch.
2. Jacob Kiss: This 19-year-old is the so-called Gumby Robber. Nuff said, right? Yeah, wearing a Gumby costume, he entered a San Diego 7-11 with an accomplice and said he had a gun. Many folks thought it was a hoax (San Diego police Det. Gary Hassen told us, "We don't take it as a prank"). But the D.A. brought charges, and Kiss ultimately pleaded guilty, along with his side kick, to misdemeanor burglary.
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Shaw Bruce Warrington: We love Shaw for the sheer, alleged stupidity involved in this here case. You see, cops say he sought underage girls and their moms for three-ways via Craigslist personal ads. And when they set up a sting involving a fictional 13-year-old, he showed up to an Orange County Starbucks in order to "teach her how to have sex," authorities alleged. Of course, Mr. Warrington was arrested and is innocent until proven otherwise.