Should Porn Stars Be Clothing Designers? Why the F$%& Not?

Lupe Fuentes
Lupe Fuentes

America's (and Howard Stern's) favorite porn nutjob Lupe Fuentes is cutting her teeth in a new industry.

Culinary arts?

Modern dance?

Psychology?

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Almost. Fashion. (Now turn to the left.)

Fuentes has launched Sexy Little Angel, a collection of small slices of Spandex that the wearer can choose to either wear as a headband or a dress. (So versatile)!

The inspiration behind the line is the fact that this chick is so damn small, apparently even the smallest-sized stripper garb couldn't do the trick. Fuentes is 4-foot-9 and has what she adorably calls a "bubble butt" and she was sick of trying to make it work with society's tough size standards.

SIDENOTE: Sure, compared to the rest of her she's got more of a rear end than the average little person. But bubble butt? Puhleez. I challenge Fuentes to an ass-off. The bubbliest butt wins a year's supply of Crazy Pants.

"With all of the body conscious women and diet and fitness crazy, it is amazing to be that in America, there are all of the plus size stores for those who are big, or overweight, when the ideal for many is to be thin and fit," Fuentes shares wisely. "Yet there is not one brand or store that I could find that caters to those who are perfectionists about their bodies. I have nothing against women who are overweight, but I can't shop in their stores. Finally, with Sexy Little Angel, we now have this new exclusive VIP club. Do you want to be a member?"

Honestly dear? No thanks. Let me go into girl-mode and defend the majority of ladies out there who are also perfectionists about our bodies who, as genealogy and heredity attest, will always be just a little too thick - muscular if you will - to fit into your Crazy Pants.

(I can't stop saying Crazy Pants. That's what I used to call the horrible 8-year-old I babysat in middle school.)

So let's see. A size SMALL is actually an XS and a PETITE is actually an XXS.

But TINY is Fuentes' flagship size designed just for her. At 79 pounds, 42 of which are in her ass region, she needed a way to show off her attributes that would "stop traffic."

But I'm sure the sunlight glaring off the gold lamé alone would surely blind any driver on Highland and cause some kind of accident.

Beware. If you value your vehicle and don't feel like risking a traffic violation, just steer clear of Chatsworth and/or Woodland Hills...and while you're at it, just stay home. You never know when a TINY will be wiggling her way to your street corner.


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