You will never be attacked by a shark. We guarantee it.
And still, as we bake in summer heat, the allure of the Pacific is tempered only by that nagging feeling that something is lurking beneath the surface, ready to snack on your leg as if it's human sushi. It does happen, and this proves it:
It's a map of California's known shark attacks.
If this doesn't make your board shorts shrink just a little, we don't know what will.
Note the December, 1994 attack on San Miguel Island -- "fatal."
Or the 1952 "sea disaster" on and off a boat near Santa Monica: "Some of the survivors were bitten by sharks."
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Or the disappearance of a kayaker at Malibu's Paradise Cove. Also "fatal" and, needless to say, shark-related.
With all that in mind, we're sure you'll have a fun time at the beach this weekend.
-Produced with the help of LA Weekly web editor Jake Swearingen.