Science is working to give the testicularly impaired - i.e. men missing one or both testes - the chance to fornicate and procreate using the powers of a fake ball that creates human sperm.
A group of California geniuses/scientists are in the process of developing the first artificial testicle to produce honest to goodness spooge, a sort of "sperm-making biological machine," as Dr. Paul Turek of the Turek Men's Health Clinic in San Francisco calls it.
His and his team plan to grow sperm cells artificially in an environment that closest reflects that of a human testicle - specifically the seminiferous tubules - and, with fingers crossed, have the cell successfully complete all 12 stages of growth before becoming an official egg target.
This testicle-esque incubator would act as the working prosthesis and enable men to keep close a supply of sperm for use when trying to conceive with their partners. Each artificial teste would last about 70 days, according to Turek, which is the typical length of time of the human body's sperm production cycle.
But how the hell do you go about making a little sperminole, let alone a holster that'll grow and shoot it out when needed?
Turek told MyHealthNewsDaily that they'd start by growing cells alongside Sertoli cells, which are responsible for nurturing and promoting the growth of sperm as they naturally develop in the seminiferous tubules. From there, researchers will add embryonic stem cells that, as all you holy rollers know, can essentially morph into almost any cell in the body.
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Eventually the team hopes to enable men who are infertile to conceive with their partners using this process - but swapping embryonic stem cells for their adult counterparts so they can develop their OWN sperm, complete with their own genes. Turek says he has no idea if this can happen just yet, but it's certainly on his to-do list.
His goal is to have a sample prosthesis ready in the next 5-7 years.
And for those of you curious what in the world this fake ball might look like, I regret to inform you that it does NOT look like an actual ball. Strangely enough, Turek says it actually will look something closer to a large, see-through Tootsie Roll.