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Oscars Street Closures: Where in Hollywood to Avoid This Week (Unless You're Brad Pitt)

Silly commoners with their silly street closures.

Silly commoners with their silly street closures.

Obama traffic got nothin' on Oscars traffic.

When the president breezes through town for some big Hollywood campaign cash, we get stuck on Wilshire or Santa Monica for a little longer than normal. Grumble grumble, etc. (And he's graciously got a tax-paid helicopter to take some of the pressure off.)

But when the Academy Awards (AHHHHH) set up shop outside/inside the Kodak Theater (AHHHHH) at the heart of crammy Hollywood ...

... we get a list of street and sidewalk closures the length of Glenn Close's schnoz.

So annoying and exciting, all at once! Here's where to avoid, courtesy of Oscars.org. Although we do recommend, if you haven't done so before, getting all touristy and snuggling as close to the barricade as possible with your Instagram a-ready, just once. The Academy Awards may be arbitrary and frumpy and old-white-man, but their air of glamor can give you an I-love-L.A. high rivaled only by finding a severed head in the Hollywood Hills.

Now (Tuesday):

Oscars Street Closures: Where in Hollywood to Avoid This Week (Unless You're Brad Pitt)

By Friday:

Oscars Street Closures: Where in Hollywood to Avoid This Week (Unless You're Brad Pitt)

By Saturday:

Oscars Street Closures: Where in Hollywood to Avoid This Week (Unless You're Brad Pitt)

By Sunday (click to enlarge):

Oscars Street Closures: Where in Hollywood to Avoid This Week (Unless You're Brad Pitt)

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If you're more of a weird textual learner, see the next page for a written-out version of the closures. Really, really confusing, but maybe you're into that kind of thing.

21 days Prior to Show (Sunday, February 5, 2012):

Close Orchid Alley from Orange Drive to Orchid Street from 8 a.m. to 8 a.m. on Saturday, March 3, 2012, except for emergency vehicles.

14 Days Prior to Show (Sunday, February 12, 2012):

Close north curb lane of Hollywood Boulevard from Highland Avenue to south east corner of Orange Drive from 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. Tuesday, February 28, 2012. (Except MTA buses until Sunday, February 19, 2012)

Close north sidewalk of Hollywood Boulevard from Highland Avenue to 230 feet east of Orange Drive allowing 8-foot pedestrian access from 6 a.m. to 10 p.m. Tuesday, February 28, 2012.

Close east and west curb lanes on Orange Drive from Hollywood Boulevard to Orchid Alley from 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. Tuesday, February 28, 2012.

7 Days Prior to Show (Sunday, February 19, 2012):

Close south sidewalk of Hollywood Boulevard from Orange Drive to Highland Avenue from 6 p.m. to 6 a.m. Tuesday, February 28, 2012, except 8-foot pedestrian access.

Close all lanes of Hollywood Boulevard from the southeast corner of Orange Drive to Highland Avenue from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. Tuesday, February 28, 2012.

Close north sidewalk of Hollywood Boulevard in front of the Kodak Theatre portal from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. Tuesday, February 28, 2012. This is a complete sidewalk closure in front of the entrance to Awards Walk. Pedestrian traffic re-routed and emergency access available.

Close balance of north sidewalk of Hollywood Boulevard from Highland Avenue to Orange Drive allowing 8-foot pedestrian access from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. Tuesday, February 28, 2012.

Close the pedestrian crosswalk, mid-block on Hollywood Boulevard between Orange Drive and Highland Avenue, from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. on Tuesday, February 28, 2012.

Close north and south curb lanes of Hawthorn Avenue from Highland Avenue to Orange Drive from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. Tuesday, February 28, 2012. MTA to re-route bus traffic. School buses exempt through the end of the school day on Friday, February 24, 2012.

Close Hawthorn Alley behind El Capitan Theatre from 300 feet east of Orange Drive east to the "T" alley from 10 p.m.. to 6 a.m. on Tuesday, February 28, 2012. The remainder of Hawthorn Alley to remain open from the "T" east to Highland Avenue.

6 Days Prior to Show (Monday, February 20, 2012):

Close Hawthorn Alley on the east side of the El Capitan Theatre from Hollywood Boulevard south 210 feet to "T" of east/west alley from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. Tuesday, February 28, 2012.

2 Days Prior to Show (Friday, February 24, 2012):

Close Hawthorn Avenue from Highland Avenue to Orange Drive from 12:01 a.m. to 6 a.m. Monday, February 27, 2012. School busses allowed on Friday only.

1 Day Prior to Show (Saturday, February 25, 2012):

Close Orchid Street from 60 feet south of Franklin Boulevard to Orchid Alley from 6 a.m. to 6 a.m. Monday, February 27, 2012 except for residents, emergency vehicles, and hotel loading.

Close Orange Drive from Orchid Alley to Hollywood Boulevard from 6 a.m. to 6 a.m. Monday, February 27, 2012. Exception for local residents, local business access, and emergency vehicles.

Close north and south sidewalk of Hawthorn Avenue from Highland Avenue to Orange Drive from 12:01 a.m. to 6 a.m. Monday, February 27, 2012.

Close north sidewalk of Hollywood Boulevard from Highland Avenue to Orange Drive from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. Monday, February 27, 2012. MTA station to be by-passed from the last regularly scheduled train on Saturday, February 25 until the first scheduled train after 6 a.m. on Monday, February 27, 2012. Pedestrian traffic rerouted to south sidewalk.

Close west sidewalk of Highland Avenue from Johnny Grant Way south to Hollywood Boulevard from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. Monday, February 27, 2012.

Close Johnny Grant Way from Highland Avenue to Orchid Street from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. Monday, February 27, 2012.

Day of Show (Sunday, February 26, 2012):

Close remainder of Hawthorn Alley from Orange Drive to Highland Avenue from 12:01 a.m. to 6 a.m. Monday, February 27, 2012.

Close Orange Drive from Hawthorn Avenue to Hollywood Boulevard from 12:01 a.m. to 6 a.m. Monday, February 27, 2012.

Close north sidewalk of Hollywood Boulevard from Highland Avenue to 300 feet east of Highland Avenue in front of closed businesses from 12:01 a.m. to 6 a.m. Monday, February 27, 2012. Erect bike rack.

Close south sidewalk of Hollywood Boulevard from Highland Avenue to 300 feet east of Highland Avenue from 12:01 a.m. to 6 a.m. Monday, February 27, 2012 except for 8-foot pedestrian access. Erect bike rack.

Close south sidewalk of Hollywood Boulevard directly in front of the north-south running Hawthorn Alley from 12:01 a.m. to 6 a.m. Monday, February 27, 2012. Erect fencing along the entire sidewalk. No pedestrian access to cross alley.

Close east sidewalk of Highland Avenue from Hollywood Boulevard to Hawthorn Avenue from 12:01 a.m. to 6:00 a.m. Monday, February 27, 2012 except for 8-foot pedestrian access. Erect bike rack.

Close west sidewalk of Highland Avenue from Hollywood Boulevard south to Hawthorn Avenue from 12:01 a.m. to 6 a.m. Monday, February 27, 2012 except for 8-foot pedestrian access. Erect bike rack and fencing.

Close east sidewalk of Highland Avenue from Yucca Street south to the alley from 12:01 a.m. to 6 a.m. Monday, February 27, 2012 except for 8-foot pedestrian access.

Close north and south crosswalks on Hollywood Boulevard at the Highland Avenue intersection from 4 a.m. to 6 a.m. Monday, February 27, 2012.

Erect bike rack on the east curb of Highland Avenue from Hollywood Boulevard to the alley north of Hollywood Boulevard from 12:01 a.m. to 6 a.m. Monday, February 27, 2012.

Close northbound and southbound 101-freeway off-ramps at Highland.

Restricted access on streets that end at or intersect Hollywood Boulevard and Highland Avenue at the discretion of the LAPD and LADOT.

[@simone_electra / swilson@laweekly.com / @LAWeeklyNews]