Within the space of barely a week Nadya Suleman went from America's Sweetheart to the Most Hated Mother in America. The reasons by now are well known, yet new ones pile up faster than plot twists in a daytime soap. There had once been some uncharitable talk about Suleman searching for entree into reality TV, but her narrative now surpasses anything "unscripted television" has to offer. In fact, OctoMom has raised that bar to vertiginous heights. Only this past week --
Suleman told Dr. Phil she fears Kaiser Permanente will not release her eight newborns to her because of the hospital's concerns that she cannot provide a proper home life for the babies, especially since the house Suleman occupies is threatened with foreclosure.
- Her mother argued with Suleman about the births in front of a RadarOnline team that dutifully videoed the event and posted it online, from where it got picked up by television and radio.
- Denis Beaudoin, a man who says he could possibly be the octuplets' father, told ABC's Good Morning America
that Suleman talked him into making sperm donations by saying him she
had ovarian cancer and could not conceive without special medical help.
- A Suleman neighbor, upset with the media and paparazzi encampment on Suleman's Whittier street stepped outside his home waving a shotgun.
- Suleman's father told Oprah that Nadya is not mentally competent.
Daily wondered if the next logical step in this pornographic orgy of
gossip, schadenfreude and media frenzy would be -- well, pornography.
So yesterday we asked hardcore giant Vivid Entertainment just
how it would market Suleman as a porn attraction: What would be her
film's title, what kind of persona would she have (Milf? Girl Next Door?), what kind of scenes would she perform in (would she have to do
an eight-way?) and who would play the pizza delivery man? Would they
keep her TMZ moniker, "Octopussy," as her porn name or would she be
rechristened with something more pornishly Anglo-Saxon, like Ashleigh Steele or
Our answer came this morning in the form of a
press release announcing Vivid's offer to cast Ms. Suleman in one film
in its Vivid-Celeb series (we'd have thought Vivid-Alt) for "up to $1
million plus a year of health insurance for her family." No doubt Vivid
sees in Suleman the subversively appealing maternal qualities the
Mitchell Brothers glimpsed in Marilyn Chambers when they noticed
her picture, holding an infant, on a box of Ivory Snow laundry detergent before casting
her in Behind the Green Door.
co-chairman Steven Hirsch is quoted in the release as saying, "We've
had many single mothers work with us over the years and their income
from Vivid has been very important to them. We would schedule
production so that the movie could be shot in less than one week."
far, no response from Whittier. If she accepts the offer, Suleman would
join Pam Anderson and Kim Kardashian and other names who
have appeared in the company's Vivid-Celeb imprint. As far as Hirsch is
concerned, it's a win-win proposition.
"There is a tremendous
amount of interest in Nadya," he says in the press release, "and we can
help her capitalize on that interest and put some real cash in her bank
account. As with our Vivid Girls, she would have her
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choice of partners, including 'Octodad.'"
But how would Octodad
deliver the money shot -- old school or on a Petri dish? Perhaps this
could open up a new line for Hirsch's company: Vivid In Vitro.