Rats. Bedbugs. Rats. Bedbugs. Rats. Bedbugs. Rats. Bedbugs. Rats.
Vermin reports streaming out of New York City tend to get a little repetitive (with the exception of that one about the snake in a toilet), so we can't take the time to laugh at all of them.
But the anti-rat crusade of freshly re-elected New York State Senator Bill Perkins (D - Harlem) breathes new hilarity into the age-old plight of New Yorkers forced to share their glamorous big-apple lives with the cruddiest of life forms.
Perkins is a sworn enemy of rats. He hates them. Once, at a political debate, when asked if he had a concrete plan for getting rats off the Harlem streets, he swallowed a pregnant female whole.
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SHOW ME HOW
OK, not that last one. Perkins did go so far as to create a rat-themed survey on his website last June, though -- and the final tally is delightful.
The report, published last Thursday, found that nearly 99 percent of Subway riders encounter a rat at least once a week in the underground system -- and oftentimes once a day. Perkins got emotional about his findings with the New York Times:
"[The subway] is so important to people," he said. "It is an experience that determines significantly one's daily life, not simply from a bread-and-butter go-to-work point of view, but from an emotional and psychic point of view. You're on a subway and a rat is sitting next to you -- that moment does not end for a while."
He's right. We may have our qualms with the L.A. public transportation system, but at least our worst possible bus-bench partner is a crazy bag lady from Venice with gnarly Einstein hair.