A newish documentary called "Orgasm Inc." highlights the clinical trials that a pharmaceutical company is conducting in the hopes of having its "Viagra for women" approved by the FDA.
The documentary explores the possibility that this company - and the pharmaceutical industry in general - might be taking advantage of women's sexual insecurity by turning something common into a problem that can only be remedied with a prescription.
Well duh. What tipped us off? The developer of the drug considers female anorgasmia to be a disease (!) - called Female Sexual Dysfunction (FSD) - that's in need of treatment.
But as many of us are finally (hopefully) learning, it's not a malfunction of the body to blame for not screaming in ecstasy while being railed by some kind of penis or penis-like object.
One of our BFFs up at SFWeekly shared with the world her own issue with orgasms:
"Let me take you through a typical sex session of mine circa 1997. Making out is hot, the clothes come off, penetration occurs and then -- bam! "What does he think I look like? Will he be nice to me? Is this dangerous? That's not the right spot. Oh no, there he goes off into jackrabbit mode. Will I make him insecure if I say something? Goodness, my floor is so dirty. I want a cigarette. Time to fake it."
We've all been there. I know several dudes whose brains also have gotten in the way of a good clean release. Our nervous systems are our No. 1 sex organ, first in line in front of our skin, clits, balls, all of it.
The brain's synapses and grey squiggles hold the power to turn us on, develop fantastical storylines, signal our bits to engorge with blood -- and then with the flicker of a thought shut it all of as if someone flipped a switch behind our knees.
So what is a pill supposed to do for the female body that a little booze, meditation, a joint or two and self confidence can't?
We ladies stick to our tried and true fuck buddies for several reasons. They know where to go and what to avoid. They know what your orgasm face looks like. They've already seen that mole on the inside of your left thigh. They won't notice or care if you gained 3 1/2 pounds or if you forgot to shave and there's some stubble on your legs, under your arms, and...well...around your vag.
They want to fuck you and leave with the ego-soothing satisfaction of making you come hard.
And if they're not in the business of your pleasure, stop wasting your time. You're a human being, not a Fleshlight.
We're more at ease with these factors no longer taking up valuable mental real estate. Without the worrying, wondering and what-if's we're THAT much closer to coming with our partner.
Though don't discount a little clit diddling to help along the way. There's still reason to believe some women are more anatomically fit for penile-vaginal orgasms than others, and manual clitoral stimulation will always be necessary during sex to get over the edge.
A sorta recent study showed a correlation between the distance between the clitoris and the vaginal opening and a woman's ability to orgasm from intercourse alone. Read more here.
But regardless of the shape of your nether regions or comfort level with your partner, having an orgasm during sex is - and should - not be the ultimate goal. As soon as an orgasm morphs from pleasant effect into the designation between good and mediocre sex, "getting there" is gonna feel damn near impossible.
And the best way to assure you're not "broken"? Masturbate. When you're able to do it on your own, finding your sweet spots and figuring out what thoughts make you wetter than ever, you can rest easy that your physical self is working perfectly fine.
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You'll at least know what works for you and, if the opportunity arises and you feel comfortable enough to do it, you can throw your partner a bone by offering a suggestion to move to the left or go a little slower.
If he/she's a good lover, it'll be taken as positive feedback rather than ego-deflating criticism. Cuz at the end of the day, faking it doesn't do anyone any favors. Here's why.