Masturbation and Television: Sex Killers? Part 1

Masturbation and Television: Sex Killers? Part 1

"If he already knows what pleases him and he can please himself, then why am I in the picture?" U.S.politician Christine O'Donnell

Few outside the most extreme fringes of the so-called Tea Party movement actually take anything that nut job says seriously; however, just because Miss O'Donnell is plumb loco does not necessarily mean she's wrong.

Even most sexual therapists will have you believe masturbation is not only natural, but a sign of sexual health, but is this true? Perhaps, but we're not convinced. Too often we've encountered stories (and we're talking about hundreds of couples with whom we've met) of how one or both partners are somehow able to masturbate regularly but not engage in regular sexual intercourse.

If we're to understand correctly, one can carve out private time to watch porn or utilize imagination, then masturbate to achieve orgasm, but making the effort to have actual sex is too difficult? Hmmm.

Let's put aside the natural inclination to view Christine O'Donnell's attack on masturbation as an attack or real threat to our sexual liberties. Yes, she's crazy in many ways, but through a crazy warping of our media into compartmentalized islands, for example Fox News and MSNBC catering toward left and right political separation, we tend to tie every message to the messenger and where that messenger comes from.

Hence, because O'Donnell is hooked up with Fox News, as is Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity and the rest of the right-wing chatter machine, we are automatically biased against anything and everything she says or does.

The same is true in reverse; if Keith Olbermann or Rachel Maddow were to come out and tout the benefits of masturbation, no matter how true, they would be dismissed and attacked by the other side. Of course, as always, the truth lies somewhere in between.

And that truth, regarding masturbation, is that it can have both positive and negative effects on a couple's sex life. If used wisely - and together - masturbation can be one of the most incredible sexual experiences a couple can share. Indeed, it can be a far more difficult proposition to get a couple to self-pleasure in front of one another than engage in sex, as the vulnerability inherent in sharing something so personal can be downright scary.

In most cases, we've either avoided masturbation or done it in Fort Knox-level security to avoid even the hint that somebody might find out, destroying any evidence of such an act ever taking place. Think about when you were in middle or high school - despite the fact that 90-plus percent of all men masturbate, how many did you know who'd admit to such an act, if not downright deny it outright?

Fast forward to your present and examine your current sexual relationship(s) or prospective ones. Are you still masturbating regularly in private and not telling your partner or, if single, not putting in a full effort to find the real thing? Why not?

Sexual energy, unfortunately, is not limitless or immune to outside pressures. Work, kids, financial obligations, diet, fitness and a whole litany of factors can affect one's desire to engage in sexual activity with another human being. Youth, to a degree, can overcome much; indeed, most teens through their early 20s are bursting with enough energy to drive countless miles, endure mind-numbing squabbles and party their minds into oatmeal in order to consummate that booty call or follow that sublime emotion called love.

This is evolution-driven, procreative energy at its peak; we are driven to reproduce and this urge is strongest when we are at our optimum physical age. As relationships evolve and turn long term, and as we age, the natural cycle of our reproductive urge begins its slow decline (culminating in menopause for women and lowering testosterone levels for men), meaning in many cases we must accept the reality that intimacy not only doesn't happen automatically, but that it actually takes significant effort to keep the fires burning at all.

With regard to masturbation, regularly taking this vital sexual energy away from one's partner will only contribute to a lesser desire overall, fulfilling Christine O'Donnell's original quote. If you doubt this premise, we challenge you (and your partner, if existent) to refrain from masturbating for 30 days. If you are in decent health and once enjoyed a good sexual relationship that's gone a little stale, you will see a rise in both desire and sexual quality for your partner and yourself almost immediately.

Masturbation and Television: Sex Killers? Part 1

In our 22-plus years together, we continue to enjoy an active, positive sexual relationship, averaging three-to-four times per week, but this is by design and choice. We make specific dates and times to engage in sex in advance, remind each other constantly of our desire for one another (naughty text and email messages are a regular part of our day), eat healthy, exercise regularly, keep our TV watching to a minimum, and avoid masturbating alone.

TV. Another sex killer. First and foremost, get it out of your bedroom, fast. At the minimum, try to control your evening watching to conclude by a reasonable hour. We know the excuse most couples use for vegetating in front of the boob tube is the rather lame, "It's our decompression time," and such, but really, we view it as the opposite. Watching a marathon of "Mad Men" is a great way to AVOID sex.

Netflix, DVRs and the now hundreds of digital high-definition channels broadcasting 24/7 give unprecedented access to interesting programming - it's downright addicting, we know - but if you're trying to keep your bed from becoming nothing more than an alternate reclining chair, do yourselves a favor and make the effort to keep your passive entertainment confined to one room.

Podcast Alert!

We just completed our 27th podcast, regarding female masturbation. Join us, Jamye Waxman and Mr. Peabody of AdultBlowouts.com for a fun and informative journey through the soggy bliss of squirting orgasms.

We're still trying to track down your favorite sex kitten Barbie Davenporte to come on with us, so if anyone reports a sighting, direct her our way!


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