Man w/ World's Biggest Penis Stopped & Frisked by TSA
Having the world's largest cock isn't all it's cracked up to be. You're probably not getting a lot of blowjobs. Curious about anal sex? You'd better be on the receiving end, because no woman is taking that monster. But the worst part is the embarrassment and harassment you experience when going through a TSA checkpoint.
When they ask what you've got in your pants, "Oh sorry, officer, that's just my dick," isn't what they want to hear, honesty notwithstanding.
Jonah Falcon is a 41-year-old man featured in several documentaries for having one of the world's largest Johnsons. How big is it, you ask? About 9 1/2 inches when limp as cooked spaghetti and 13 1/2 inches long when at full attention.
Recently, while returning to his home New York from San Francisco, he was stopped by TSA agents. The agents took note of Falcon, who apparently dresses to the left, because they saw a large and unusual object in his pants. (So did their mom, yuk yuk.) They asked if he had anything in his pockets or any kind of bizarre growth. Falcon calmly replied that no, no big deal, he just has a monster cock.
Premium Seating: Los Angeles Angels v. Baltimore Orioles
TicketsMon., Aug. 7, 7:07pm
Los Angeles Angels vs. Baltimore Orioles
TicketsMon., Aug. 7, 7:07pm
Los Angeles Rams vs. Dallas Cowboys
TicketsSat., Aug. 12, 6:00pm
Premium Seating: Los Angeles Angels v. Texas Rangers
TicketsMon., Aug. 21, 7:07pm
In a shining moment for the TSA, they didn't make him pull it out while an old woman pawed at it for signs of explosives. Rather, they gingerly frisked the area and dusted his hands for residue from explosives. Falcon is used to such occurrences as a part of his daily life and was apparently more amused than anything by the incident. Because what gives you a better sense of humor about yourself than having a baby's arm holding an apple swinging between your legs? His delay lasted about five minutes, a small price to pay for having such an epic dong.
While Falcon is no stranger to flying, this is the first time he's ever had trouble with airport security because of his special endowment. He wasn't worried, as in a worst-case scenario he'd simply have to produce his pride and joy for closer inspection.
On an unrelated note, If he ever decides to go into porn, we've got an idea for what the movie could be about. We're really looking forward to seeing Falcon tell a busty blond TSA agent to get an up-close and personal hands-on inspection of his carry-on package.
Falcon has appeared in legit film and TV, but video game journalism is his daytime trade. Apparently he's making a good enough living at that that he doesn't need to go into the skin trade.
One thing we're curious about: Is Al-Qaeda now going to use the penis defense when they try and get through security? What are the implications beyond terrorism? Are exotic salami smugglers going to bring in illegal imported meats by claiming that the contraband is nothing more than their massive penises?
We've had an undies bomber try and take out a plan with his skivvies already. Will terrorists begin implanting bombs in terrorists' junk to try and get past blushing security? Inquiring minds want to know. The very safety of American air travel depends upon answering these pressing questions.
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter Our daily newsletter delivers quick clicks to keep you in the know
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Los Angeles, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.