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National Features >

  • Riverfront Times

    The Pope of Pork

    Old-school hog farming makes a comeback, thanks to some fine swine from Frankenstein.

    By Kristen Hinman

  • Broward-Palm Beach New Times

    The Lost Season

    Here's how you become one of those people who screams at his kid's coach.

    By Bob Norman

  • SF Weekly

    Border Crossers

    Transgender hookers with rap sheets are successfully fighting deportation--by asking for asylum.

    By Lauren Smiley

  • Houston Press

    Deadly Evidence

    First, Houston's DNA lab became a laughingstock. Then its controversial director was murdered.

    By Randall Patterson

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Tom Christie ('ice Shit' Mort)

Published on April 27, 2006

America + Iraq = CIA REAM IRAQ

Rumsfeld = DR. FLUMES

Rumsfeld + Iraq = ALFRED SQUIRM

Bush + Rumsfeld = BLUSHED SMURF

Bush + Rice = U.S. BE RICH

Katrina = ANTI ARK

Gov. Arnold = Valor Dong

Antonio Villaraigosa = A VAGINA SALON OIL RIOT

Mayor Antonio = AMATORY ONION

Tom LaBonge = A BONG MOTEL

Brad + Angelina = BAGEL AND RAIN

Tom Cruise = I, SO RECTUM

Katie Holmes = TOES LIKE HAM

Heath Ledger = THE LARGE HED

Kanye West = SWEET YANK

Conor Oberst = BORN TO SCORE

Arcade Fire = A DIRE FARCE

Sufjan Stevens = JESUS FAN VENTS

Fiona Apple = A POP FINALE

White Stripes = HE WRITES SPIT

= HER PIES TWIST