Nothing says "winner" in the 2010s like opening the passenger door for your date and unlocking your Club security device before wheeling off in a 1990s-era import.
Yeah, the ratchety clicks when you release a Club-like device's grip on your ride isn't exactly the sound of foreplay, but the LAPD wants you to have steering-wheel locks anyway. In fact, the department is giving them away if you own a fine, 1990s-era automobile in the form of Honda Accords, Honda Civics, Acura Integras (Civics with pleather trim) and Toyota Camrys (the one your mom used to drive before she gave it to your older sister who gave it to you).
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Those rides, sexual magnetism and all, are also attractive to thieves.
But not because they're as cool as a Ferrari 599 GTO. Because they're easier to steal than a bike. And, like bikes, they usually don't have GPS-tracking devices, sophisticated alarms, computer-chip-activated ignitions, or air conditioning.
And so the LAPD says come and get your free steering wheel locks if you own one of those fine vehicles. There will be a giveway Wednesday at 10 a.m. at Hollenbeck Community Police Station, 2111 East 1st St., Boyle Heights.
What's really cool about these locks - and the LAPD is really being shy about this for no reason - is that they double as birth-control devices.