You know you've done something right, in life, when you find yourself sorting through half-million dollar offers just to show up and do a little V.I.P. shimmy at some cush Vegas hotspot on New Year's Eve, while the rest of the world panics over which miserable laser pit is worth a week's wages.
There are downsides to being Kim Kardashian, we're sure. Like paparazzi. And living in Calabasas. And knowing, deep down, that your entire existence is a loveless, leopard-print faction of your mother's business sense.
But a lot of people are miserable. Difference is, they're not making...
... $600,000 just to show up to Tao this Saturday night, according to RadarOnline. Just so her starstruck victims can pay $225 to get one peek at their tabloid princess through a steaming sea of douche.
"But Kim will have to do a little more work than just one night, because the large wad of cash is part of a multi-event deal," writes the Daily Mail.
Oh, so you mean she has to show up to Tao and get drunk and wag her awe-inspiring badunkadunk on another night, too? Tough deal.
To rub it in, a handful of Kardashian's peers -- who have similarly sold their soul to popular American culture, yet do possess some minor skill beyond "look hot/get emotional on reality TV" -- are making a fraction of her reported appearance fee at other clubs around Vegas. The New York Post investigates:
Also in Las Vegas, Black Eyed Pea Fergie is earning about $100,000 for playing the new 1Oak at the Mirage Hotel and Casino.
... Katy Perry had also been asking for $250,000 for an Eve appearance, but with no performance.
Ouch. Guess that's what you'd call 2000-and-late. At least Mariah Carey (allegedly) had the dignity to walk away when no one would offer her more than $500,000.
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And TMZ seems to think that Lindsay Lohan, who's trying to convince the world she's on a wholesome, party-less streak after baring it all in a million-dollar Playboy shoot (but that was classy, right?? She had Marilyn hair!), has also excused herself from the 2012 hosting bid. (Another gossip rag, however, reports she'll make an appearance in Dubai.)
"Lindsay plans to ring in 2012 with a few close friends at her home ... although she may go out to dinner before the final countdown," writes TMZ. Hm. Having witnessed a night scene at Lohan's Venice pad, we think she might be safer in Dubai.
Point is: God damn you, Kim Kardashian. We should occupy your Valley palace over such raging 1-percent injustice. Or sue! Where's Rob Delaney when you need him?