Kanye West Tells Taylor Swift to Suck on a Cockring. (Sort Of.)
As we discussed last week, Kanye West is lame. Following the less-than-impressive un-boner pics Twatpic-ed and circulated around the Interwebs, Kanye's taken a stab at sex therapy. Or something.
CUZ WHAT CAN'T KANYE DO???!!??
(Used caps lock in order to show you that what I have to say is more important than everyone else. Kanye-style.)
The hip hop diva has a website, AskKanye.com, that lets anyone ask intimate and irritating questions, and Kanye -- or a quicker counterpart with equally poor grammar -- will respond with the kind of witty B.S. that got Kanye famous in the first place.
CSUN Mens Soccer
TicketsSat., Oct. 29, 7:00pm
Los Angeles Clippers v Utah JAzz - Verified Resale Tickets
TicketsSun., Oct. 30, 1:30pm
Los Angeles Clippers v Phoenix Suns - Verified Resale Tickets
TicketsMon., Oct. 31, 7:30pm
UCLA Bruins Men's Basketball
TicketsTue., Nov. 1, 7:30pm
Some medium-clever marketing intern at a sex toy company whose headquarters are down south (in SoCal...but see what I did there?) asked Kanye if he'd ever used one of their vibrating cockrings.
Though Kanye probably roams the earth with three buzzing around his cock and balls at all times, he'd never admit to needing "enhancement," and instead word-vomited about his clitoral abilities.
Kanye: No. If I want to make a girl orgasm I rap on their clitty. One time I rapped a full 16 bars and the girl passed out and almost died. So now I just stick with 8.
So Mr. Marketing Intern took it up a step further and offered to send him a Screaming O Vibrating Ring. And Kanye took the
microphone bait and jogged at a comfortable pace.
Fan: That sounds dangerous! Let us send you a Screaming O and save someone's life.
Kanye: Send to someone in need. I recommend this person.
Lo and behold, the person to whom Kanye so philanthropically linked was none other than pretty sparkle princess Taylor Swift, whose apparently banging Jake Gyllenhaal and/or fellow outspoken douche John Mayer these days.
Kanye must think both gentlemen could use some battery-powered penis improvement. I think all three should fuck and get it over with.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss LA Weekly's biggest stories.