Japanese Man Wins Masturbation Championship After 10-Hour Jerk Session
Meet Masanobu Sato. He has held the World Champion Masturbator title since 2008, with his most recent award-winning session lasting 9 hours, 59 minutes. (He couldn't hold on for another 60 seconds? Champion, my ass.)
Sato is a regular participant in San Francisco's annual Masturbate-a-Thon. The event celebrated its 10th year in May, which is Masturbation Month for those of you too celibate or Philistine to know.
And with the help of some jerk-it tools and a whole lot of Hentai porn, Sato has been able to stroke and tug for almost 10 hours straight. The cushy sex toys and accompanying lube have helped him avoid the imminent chafing and/or blood loss commonly associated with that much incessant rubbing, but the secret ingredient to his success is his girlfriend.
Don't you just love her?
Yes, a possible surprise to some, this guy has consistent access to a human female with a beating heart and functioning vagina. Not only does Sato perform his daily 2-hour "workout" sessions in front of her (and their kitten, apparently) she even keeps track of the time for him.
Los Angeles Clippers v Minnesota - Verified Resale Tickets
TicketsThu., Jan. 19, 7:30pm
Los Angeles Lakers v Indiana Pacers - Verified Resale Tickets
TicketsFri., Jan. 20, 7:30pm
CSUN Womens Basketball vs. Cal Poly Women's Basketball
TicketsSat., Jan. 21, 4:00pm
CSUN Men?s Basketball vs. Uc Irvine Mens Basketball
TicketsSat., Jan. 21, 7:00pm
But why all the fist-fucking when she's sitting just a few feet away? Well it appears she's just not that into fucking, and therefor poor Sato must depend on what she calls his "hobby" to satisfy his desires.
And what's her hobby?
"I sew dresses," she says.
But wait - before you fall in love with this new "It" couple, e-meet them via YouTube and be sure to watch Sato shop for the DVDs he uses to practice 364 days out of the year.
"A real female, of course, smells, is dirty," Sato says. "Of course, because it's a human being, it has a lot of things. So we have this anime - isn't it clean and pretty?"
Still find him adorable, like a little bespeckled graphic novel character? Us neither.
Regardless, we wish the best for Sato's odorous, filthy girlfriend's clothing line and send sentiments of self love to Sato.
May his hands stay clean with the fresh scent of his own spooge.
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter Our daily newsletter delivers quick clicks to keep you in the know
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Los Angeles, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.