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How To Name Your Band

You can’t rock with a lame name. Just ask Straight to Video, the Snakes, and the Flyer Band. Are any of them musically any good? Maybe, but who goes to see them with such unimaginative monikers? You want your band’s name to be original (Cartoon Boyfriend, Midget Handjob) but not so clever (3D House of Beef, Gepetto’s Other Puppet) that it grows stale. Along the years, some band names have appeared in our Rock & Pop listings that we have grown to love: the Groovy Rednecks, the Sugarplastic, Los Super Elegantes, and a supremely excellent name we hope to see in these pages for eons, Betty Blowtorch, who were once known by the most memorable title of Butt Trumpet. They’re all great bands, but they have also nailed down the spirit of their music in their appellations. Here, pulled directly from our listings, are some examples of how you can go wrong and right when it comes to what gets slapped on the Whisky marquee.

1. DON’T CONFUSE A PUN WITH A GOOD BAND NAME

Venus Envy Blizzard of Ozz Patsy Whine Wok-Stars Dust for Life Nostradumbass The Dolly Ranchers

. . . UNLESS IT PERFECTLY DESCRIBES YOUR SOUND

Dread Zeppelin Crank Williams Penis Flytrap The Newlydeads

2. DON’T PICK A NAME THAT IS TOTALLY UN-ROCK-SOUNDING, UNLESS YOU ACTUALLY CAN’T ROCK

Permission To Breathe Conspiracy of Thought Fields of Grey Ophelia Rising Points of Fusion  

3. DON’T CHOOSE YOUR BAND’S NAME WHILE STONED

Angry Salad Velvet Catfish Lo-Fi NippleDrip Licorice Bowling for Soup Loudmouth Soup Othermay Uckerfay  

4. DO LOOK WORDS UP IN THE DICTIONARY BEFORE SENDING OUT FLIERS

Wiskey Biscuit No Motiv Laydlaw

5. DON’T JUST STEAL A NAME FROM A MOVIE TITLE, POPULAR EXPRESSION OR OTHER SOURCE (unless you really are lame)

Soilent Green Attention Deficit Disorder The Streetwalkin’ Cheetahs Rebel Rebel Volume Eleven Epstein’s Mother Catch 22

6. DO MAKE UP NEW WORDS THAT SOUND COOL

Godma Eyedentity PsydeCar Flambooky Les Sexareenos SNMNMNM

. . . BUT DO MAKE SENSE (unlike these):

Fit for Stomach Deep Banana Blackout Grubearhump Spermjacuzzi Unicycle Skull Fuck

7. DON’T BE OBVIOUS

Black Crowes Spooky Ghost Sluts 4 Jesus

8. WE GET IT, YOU LIKE DRUGS

The 420 Band H Is Orange Weed Whiteline Fever 151 Herbal Committee Stereo 420 Cop Shoot Cop

9. MOST IMPORTANT, DO BE ATTENTION-GETTING

Leper Sex Killer on the Loose Raft of Dead Monkeys Plaid Hyena Pillow of Wrongness Vomit Remnants John Wilkes Kissing Booth Hall ’n’ Ass Oblivia Neutron Bomb


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