How To F&%@ in Public and Get Away With It
So you want to fuck like banshees. The confines of your home, office, bathroom or parents basement just isn't cutting it. You want more excitement in your life, and the city park is where the mood struck you.
Unfortunately, unless you want to add jail-rape to that checklist, you've got to edit the sex session to stay within legal confines.
1. Don't get fully naked. Hell, don't even strip. You can lift a skirt and open a fly to get all you need for access. I've fucked on the steps of the capital building in a Midwest city just this very way. Security even came by to say hi and see how our night was while we were still connected. Discretion is necessary.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Good god.]
Los Angeles Clippers v Minnesota - Verified Resale Tickets
TicketsThu., Jan. 19, 7:30pm
Los Angeles Lakers v Indiana Pacers - Verified Resale Tickets
TicketsFri., Jan. 20, 7:30pm
CSUN Womens Basketball vs. Cal Poly Women's Basketball
TicketsSat., Jan. 21, 4:00pm
CSUN Men?s Basketball vs. Uc Irvine Mens Basketball
TicketsSat., Jan. 21, 7:00pm
2. Confidence is key. You can't waver or be nervous. You're horny, your partner's horny, you know what you want to do, so cowboy the fuck up and do it. If you're grinding on the dance floor, no one thinks otherwise. You look like you're supposed to be there. If you look nervous and act skittish, people will look for what you're doing wrong, and then you lose. Sad day.
3. Don't do it where kids are present. The jungle gym is fun, after hours. But survey the scene. If kids are present, it's a no go. Not just because it's a bit wrong, but they're at just the right height. And kids notice EVERYTHING, and they aren't quiet. Mothers aren't afraid to kill for their young.
4. Make sure your vaccinations are current, and be careful. Public sex usually leads you to a dingy alley or pokey shrubbery. Scrapes, rug burn or road rash from various settings may leave you with more than a rosy glow and smile.
5. And most important: Have some fucking fun! You took the road of your inner 15-year-old and didn't play patient until you got home. Relish in that spontaneity and enjoy the rush.
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter Our daily newsletter delivers quick clicks to keep you in the know
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Los Angeles, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.