Hosni Mubarak Spam: Hilarious Email Asks Us to 'Help Secure the Resources of the President' Amid Billion-Dollar Corruption Charges
Good thing we checked our spam folder this morning! Because, buried among Obama scams and penis enlargers, we discovered a total gold mine: A business proposal from an alleged associate of former Eqyptian president and world-class scumbag Hosni Mubarak.
The evil dictator-turned-prison bait is currently in a bit of a legal bind, thanks to the approximately $80 billion he hoarded while the rest of Egypt went dirt-poor -- so, understandably, he needs somewhere to stash all that cash before it's frozen for good.
And, by some inexplicable stroke of luck, he wants us to be the ones to help him out, in exchange for "huge sums of money"! Check it out:
Having gone through a methodical search, I have decided to contact you hoping that you will find this proposal interesting. Based on the present political crisis in Egypt, the conglomerate of His Excellency, Hosni Mubarak [Ed Note: So we're still calling him that?] is ready to partner with you to help secure the resources of the president since the dissolution of the presidency's office.
The choice of contacting you is aroused [Ed Note: Hot] from the geographical nature of your country of abode [Ed Note: Like, as far away from your slimy ass as possible?], particularly due to the sensitivity of the transaction and the confidentiality herein, we are ready to partner with you and your organisation [Ed Note: You obviously don't know much about the LA Weekly] in providing the necessary assistance required to a successful end as you will be greatly rewarded.
We also want to let you know of our intention to expediently commit huge sums of money [Ed Note: You mean, the money that "His Excellency" viciously seized from the ailing Egyptian people? OK, sweet] towards your course on the agreement that you will be of significant assistance to us without malevolence or malice [Ed Note: No worries... two decades of barbaric oppression, forgiven/forgotten] and as soon as we receive your positive response we shall proceed with the arrangement and provide you our terms and conditions. This business deal involves huge cash movement and liquidation of foreign and local investments and your immediate response and utmost confidentiality is greatly appreciated.
Thank you, M.Hammad, for your confidence in us an ideal partner in fraud (slash gullible-ass granny with flown conscience). And you're welcome, L.A., for sharing.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss LA Weekly's biggest stories.
- Hollywood Pool Season Extended Through October
Sat., Sep. 5, 12:30pm
Sat., Sep. 5, 8:00pm
Sun., Sep. 6, 12:35pm
Sun., Sep. 6, 1:00pm
- Hotel Owner Charged in Venice Homeless Murder
- L.A.'s Small Business Climate Gets Mediocre Grades