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Here Are The Real Top 10 Reasons Dating In L.A. Sucks

Huffington Post has gotten a lot of play out of its item about why L.A. is "the toughest town for singles." Author Alex Benzer states that the ratio of women to men is low, the city's distant expanses are difficult to overcome, everyone's social climbing instead of climbing in bed, bars and clubs close too early, and there's little public transportation, public space and public walking.

It's all true, particularly the part about bars and clubs closing too early (although anyone who's been to Avalon on a Saturday night can at least attest to life after 2 a.m.). Frankly, Benzer was too kind, though. We've got to be more frank about our fair city. Here are the real Top 10 reasons dating in L.A. sucks.

10. You've got to have a J-O-B to be with me. More than one out of ten people have no J-O-B in L.A. It's a real Debbie Downer, especially when the dinner check comes.

9. While there might be more single men than women in town, most Hollywood hot-spots let in like 10 women for every one spiky-haired douche paying for bottle service. Good for that one guy (maybe, if his parents don't mind the credit-card charges), bad for the rest.

8. Cougars. This is the cougar capital of the world. (Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa should add that to his boasts about L.A.). We know cougars who have two and three boyfriends. Actually, that's a good thing. Helps even out the ratio.

7. White guys and Asian girls. There are other kinds of people in the world. Both you two, break it up.

6. Sensitive metrosexuals. Get over yourself and pull the trigger, or get out of the way.

5. Wilmer Valderrama and Seth MacFarlane. If they only dated each other it would open doors for a whole generation of single men in Hollywood.

4. Gay people. They're partying like it's 1979, and breeders aren't invited.

3. Mayor Villaraigosa has dibs on all the hot female television reporters.

2. Medical marijuana dispensaries on every corner. People who are stoned want to hook up, too -- for sure. They dream about it. They have great, burning desire. Then they take another toke from a three-foot bong and slink into their friend's stinky couch before passing out.

1. There's no place to park.


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