We've seen the new Reefer Madness, and it's called Hand Sanitizer Psychosis.
After the Los Angeles Times yesterday reported that six -- six! -- teens in the San Fernando Valley showed up in emergency rooms after drinking hand sanitizer (for its alcohol content) in recent months, the paper set off a firestorm about this latest hardcore drug that "could" -- could! -- "signal a dangerous trend" (sparked, no doubt, by news media ... ).
Well, we've got news for you parents: Your cupboards are filled with stuff that's worse than any -- any! -- barrio crack house. Here's our Top 5:
5. Nail polish remover. Ah. Baby's first high. Mama, can I help you with your nails, mama? Anything to be near the intoxicating aroma of acetone, the ultimate gateway drug. Is it bad for you? Yes it's bad for you. Long-term abuse can lead to brain and central nervous system damage. But you already knew this.
4. Model airplane glue. Aw. You're growed up! Yeah, you know you're going to be an adult junkie when you spend your summer days as a 10-year-old boy building plastic cars in your "fort" made of bed sheets. All the better to smell that clear, gooey boy-crack. Yes it kills brain cells. Explains a lot of men.
3. Correction fluid. This is for that intellectual young lady on her way to college and 6 years of raving. Liquid Paper deletes your typos and your troubles. Yes, this white stuff even kills. Unfortunately, we don't need to make many paper corrections anymore. And so, we move on to a more contemporary way to get high from common household products ...
2. Keyboard cleaner. Now you've graduated to the dark side kids, and there's no going back. The compressed can of hallucination that blasts the dust from your Mac also gives you visuals that rival anything LSD or mushrooms can do. And so much more. Of course, like any good huffing agent, "dusting" can render you dead or, worse, retarded. Inhalent.org warns of "liver and kidney damage ... hearing loss, limb spasms, bone marrow and central nervous system (including brain) damage." And there's "sudden sniffing death syndrome." Totally worth seeing your demons take shape before your very eyes, though.
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1. Whipped cream canisters. It starts at home with a whiff of the leftover gas from a Reddi-wip can, but you will soon graduate to "whip-its," the cannisters of pure nitrous oxide used by professional chefs for whipping cream. This, is, surprisingly, some of the least dangerous huffing material. It's legal in medical settings. And it gets you crazy high, if only for a few moments. Of course, you can die from it, especially if you're getting all nitrous and no oxygen. And one of the side effects is passing out, falling down, and cracking your skull open. (Really). So beware. And there's this: No professional chef would be caught dead in a gay porn shop at 1 a.m buying two-dozen canisters. But, hey, you've graduated beyond household items. You're a full-on, quasi-illegal drug user now. Congratulations.
This has been a public service article from the Huffing-Town Post.