The day Im scheduled to interview Deepak Chopra, I awake with a sore throat and soaring fever. I immediately call Chopras assistant to tell her Im coming down with something. No matter, she assures me. Deepak is the healthiest person in the world. He hardly even sleeps! He just meditates. So as long as you feel up to it, we welcome you in whatever shape youre in. So I go, spreading germs to the valet, the doorman and hotel guests on the tiny elevator up to Chopras room at the Mondrian. Everyone, including Chopras lithe and cheery blond assistant, Erika DeSimone, keeps a sensible distance. But Chopra, dressed in black but for his multicolored reading glasses, immediately extends his hand. I warn him that Im contagious. He doesnt relent. The most sterilized countries in the world have the highest cancer rates, he says. We live in a Disneyworld environment; were not challenged every day by the normal so-called bacteria and viruses that inhabit the ecosystem. I believe every exposure is an opportunity for the immune system to learn. I shrug. So I guess you think Im supposed to be happy that I even have a cold. Chopra, the man who has successfully shrink-wrapped Eastern philosophy for a generation of audiobook-seekers on their morning commutes, looks out the window at the gorgeous sprawl of West Hollywood and smiles. You should be intensely grateful, he says. Chopras handshake is reassuringly decisive, and at 58, he looks just as described: fantastically healthy and fit. His body is compact and taut, like a lifelong tennis players. His tea-colored skin shimmers. He does not retreat from eye contact but neither does he force it on you; he has an air of comfortable wealth and Bill Clintonstyle charisma. As he starts to talk, I suddenly feel much less sick. Chopra, in town to headline a Renewal Weekend, tells me how his new book, Peace Is the Way: Bringing War and Violence to an End, is inspired by Mahatma Gandhis expression, There is no path to peace; peace is the way. The book departs from the self-help spirituality with which he has become, for better or worse, associated: In other words, it has nothing to do with getting rich or avoiding aging. It concerns the tangled hierarchies between world leaders and terrorists and Westerners attitudes toward killing and what he calls acceptable slaughter. We say, Oh my God! How uncivilized they behead! But how about the fact that we press a button from 25,000 feet above sea level, killing women and children? Whose slaughter is more civilized? Earlier, when I had been on the verge of describing Chopra as speaking out against war, his assistant had sweetly pre-empted my gaffe. For peace, she said before I finished my sentence. Hes speaking out for peace, because one of Chopras takeaway messages this time around is that the fight only fuels the conflict. Explicit enemies, he says in carefully measured tones, become implicit allies. For example, just for a second think, where would George Bush be today without Osama bin Laden? Nowhere. He should be down on his bended knee and say, Thank you, Osama bin Laden! He should have a portrait of Osama bin Laden in his office and say to it each day, You made my career! Chopra went on to tell me about how he got Larry King to question his sexism: Larry, I said to him. How come God has been hijacked by men? This is one of the reasons we have war, because God is a Dead White Male. Chopra lectured me on how the emerging democracy in the Middle East will turn against America, and how poverty creates terrorists. Chopra insists that as each of us goes through a personal transformation, world conditions will change. The book, he says, is about you becoming an agent for peace through your internal transformation. Perhaps my Claritin-Sudafed cocktail has worn off, but at this point, I start to think: I know all this. The conversation has turned in the direction of so many New Age seminars in which the lecturer serves up time-tested ideals as revelations. The only thing radical about Chopras anti-war message (it is, after all, just that) is that it comes from a man who got Bill OReilly to confess his love for Gandhi. I, however, have had enough of personal transformation. Ive changed and Ive changed and Ive changed, I tell him. Im shouting. Im a vegetarian. I meditate. I volunteer for stuff. I teach yoga . . . But there are not enough of you. So what am I supposed to do to create more? You dont. You dont, you dont. His voice softens. He comes down off the podium. You hang out with people like yourself and increase that critical mass through media, through information technologies, through education, through music, through movies . . . His voice rises again. You market peace, he says, the way these guys have marketed guns and marketed Marlboro cigarettes and Coca-Cola. Yes, I blurt. Look, he continues. I can go to any part of South Africa and I can buy Marlboro cigarettes. I can go to the remotest part of India where I cant get water but I can get Coca-Cola. We have to market peace and sell it with the same commercial zeal and enthusiasm and the technology and the resources that these guys have used to market guns. Weve got to brand peace as an idea and sell it better than Calvin Klein can sell his underwear. Theres our story! DeSimone blurts out, as if she hasnt heard it before. People have criticized me for the last 25 years, Chopra goes on. Theyve said, Youre selling spirituality. And I say Thank GOD I am! First of all, in America Im not going to apologize for being successful. Im not selling pornography. Im not selling cancer-producing substances. Im selling something thats useful to people, and Im going to outsell the other guys. Ive made that my mission. Unless we can market peace as an attractive, sexy idea that can permeate our collective consciousness, were never going to have peace. Right on, I say. Confident that Ive been converted, DeSimone interjects. I know you want to meditate before your lecture tonight, she says to her boss protectively. Yes, I have to go, says Chopra. Thanks for your time, I say. And I hope you dont get my cold I mean, I hope you already have the antibodies to fight it. Judith Lewis
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The Unpleasant Fates of Personal Crap Heading inland Saturday afternoon, the soft thick friendly gray clouds thin out and dissolve into loud blue California skies glaring down at the gray roadside rock quarries of Azusa. Northeast of the pit mines, where the 210 meets the 605, I find trouble at an estate sale in a warehouse across the street from the dog pound. What I do wrong, apparently, is use the term recording device, as in Damn left my recording device in the car. Be back in a second. Immediately, Im surrounded by tall white patriots. You cant go in there with a recording device, says one. No recording devices of any kind, says another. No video cameras allowed inside, says another someone else. I say, Its just an audio recorder, so I can talk to myself. Thats my job. And the several someones simultaneously say, No recording devices! and block my path. What could be inside that would warrant such security? Yellow-cake uranium? NORAD overstock? As I understand it, its just garage-sale stuff, accumulated by director Tim Burton and actress Lisa Marie during the 90s, when they were a couple. Look, I tell the sentries. Im not a terrorist, and I dont have any drugs or weapons on me. I just want to talk into my recording device about what I see inside. Its just like writing notes, but faster. It is okay to take notes, isnt it? I place my notebook on the table and they gasp, as if it might explode. Someone says, Youll have to talk to Lara. Someone else shouts, Lara! Another someone else shouts, Lara! Lara arrives and takes me outside to talk. Lara Ott, Lisa Maries attorney. Ott is reasonable and kind. Not only does she grant me entry, but also a short interview. These are Lisa Maries personally owned items, Ott says. Theyre either items that were personally owned by her, or had been owned between she and Tim years ago. [Tim] is not in charge of the sale. Lisas in charge of the sale. These are things that he does not own now. These are things that Lisa owns now that are her property or had belonged to the two of them in the past. Thank you, I reply. And do you know why shes selling her stuff? You know what? Its a personal decision she made to separate herself from a very painful part of her past, which involved her breakup with Mr. Burton. Thank you, I reply. And do you know why were in Azusa? This is where the storage facility is maintained. Oh. Okay. Thanks. Unfortunately, Lara does not escort me in, so once again Im left alone with the sentries, now trying to explain how Ive been given official clearance. Lara! Lara! Lara! Lara reappears and verifies my non-terrorist status; I sign and print my name in the register and, under the sentries distrustful glares, enter the room. Its a big gray cinder-block room, full of crap. Crap on tables, hanging crap, crap in bins. But since its crap that belonged to paparazzi targets, it must be important, so there are 20 or so citizens rummaging through it. I begin sharing the inventory with my loyal DS330 digital voice recorder. Costume jewelry, $150; more costume jewelry, $200, $100; heart-shaped sunglasses, cant see the price tag; horizontal file cabinet, $350; clear plastic storage bins, $1 each. Sanford E. Cohen of Estate Sales L.A., author of the events press release, apprehends me pleasantly and offers to talk into my recording device. Cohen runs down the good shit, most of which sold the day before: Tiffany & Co. yo-yos that were Tim and Lisas personal yo-yos. Clothing. From top designers. Prada, Gucci, Louis Vuitton. Murano glass. Fortuny lamps. The Fortuny lamps are hand-painted silk lamps from Italy. These two hot tubs are $11,000 a piece. A lot of modern furniture . . . Is this the kind of information you want? I dont know, but before I can answer, some white woman with enormous glasses cuts in. You missed it! she exclaims. You missed it! You missed the zoo yesterday! Which zoo? Here! This was a zoo yesterday! And you missed it! You shouldve come yesterday! Sorry, I reply. I was at a different zoo. Yeah, says Cohen. Yesterday it was an absolute zoo. All the way from the cashier, he points, over to the mannequin, over here, people in line to pay. There was a line out the door, to the street, and to the right. It was a zoo of people in here. A two-time Grammy winner paid $4,000 for a dress. That was the most expensive one item yesterday. What about the couch? (A couch used in Burtons Ed Wood had been advertised on Cohens Web site.) Wasnt that $10,000? Twenty thousand, says Cohen. That hasnt sold yet. But I had one dealer who spent $10,000, on clothing. I had another, uh . . . person of notoriety who spent $12,586, and I had another well-known person who spent $17,000. Why, thats $39,586 right there, I reply. According to the Tim Burton Collectives Web site, when Burton heard about the impending sale, he issued the following statement: It recently came to my attention that a warehouse sale, claiming to include previously owned items of mine, is scheduled to take place. Allegedly, these items include props, memorabilia and costumes from various films I have directed, as well as some drawings of mine that were private gifts never meant for public display or purchase. Since I have not been contacted by the sellers, it is important to note that I can in no way vouch for the authenticity of these items. I am completely against the selling of personal items in such a public way. California King mattress pad, $50; Lisa Maries at least I hope its Lisa Maries teddy for $10; more teddies, corsets; drafting table for $2,500; toaster oven; Marantz receiver; barbecue utensils; blow dryer; old stereo components and telephone parts; sleigh bed . . . I find Cohen. How much is the bed? The sleigh bed sold to a lady in Florida. She called me up. She saw me on the Internet. And I sold it to her for $1,750, says Cohen. Thanks. And actually, Cohen goes on, we also . . . Somebody flew in from Texas. He bought some artifacts. And somebody flew in somebody sent their representative from London, and they bought some artifacts as well. Just FYI. I buy no crap. A tape deck for 30 bucks is tempting, but supposing it didnt work . . . I shudder, hoping the sentries will let me out empty-handed. Dave Shulman
Return of the Arcade
You enter by navigating past beefy security guards milling in front of the adjacent closed restaurant. A large gorilla towers overhead, preparing visitors for the Donkey Konginduced ecstasy to come. The sounds of spun Jamaican ska hit the ears along with a smoky smell just as familiar to the West Indian island. Cigarettes rule the packed dance floor along with gutted Dutch Masters, Phillies and White Owls in the hands of Silver Lake refugees, sloppy geeks, Persian gangsters, metal castaways, hippies, thugs, Japanese B-Boys and the sassy girls who love them. Ringing the tiny, smoke-choked room are jewels from a 1980s childhood. From Playboy pinball to Centipede to a sit-down version of Spy Hunter, complete with gear shifts, oil-slick buttons and vibrating crash effects, nearly every stand-up video game from the golden years has been dredged up like a dream too good to not wake up to. Love conquers all! shouts the bartender, also the owner, before planting a wet one on his girl. This could be their home, a scratched refrigerator sitting modestly behind them, posters on every wall, half of the room shuttered with a curtain and 100 complete strangers using their bathroom. Chocolate doughnuts and cupcakes satisfy those with the munchies while also infusing the room with a sense of caring. Three-dollar Red Stripes, Coronas and mixed drinks sweeten the already sugary deal. The owner and his girl, two exNew Yorkers, deny involvement with the similarly themed Williamsburg attraction of the same name but dont deny its inspiration. For most late-20s slackers, hackers and jackers, the only thrill that beats destroying the liver and brain comes from destroying skyscrapers in a game of Rampage, neighborhood windows in Paperboy or Glass Joes glass jaw in a round of Punch-Out. Sadly for many of us, the endless adolescent hours spent feeding quarters to arcade games at 80s pizza parlors went up in puffs of high-grade ganja smoke in the 90s. These days, most people prefer their home-based Xboxes to dingy arcades rife with stalking Mohawked teens stealing ones scratch for another round of Dragons Lair, but maybe not for long. Barcade is no four-eyed festival of the agoraphobic PC Bangers endemic to Koreatown, but, rather, offers the chance to play stand-up classics while interacting with the opposite sex and maintaining a cool stance when coaxing out your inner nerd. The mysterious owners of Koreatowns Barcade have sought to reunite nostalgic gamers of yore with the hard-partying ways theyve developed since graduating into a sea of sheepish jobs and low wages. The place resembles a speakeasy/house party more than a bar or an arcade, though it is pleasingly both. Well hidden on a second-floor loft, it is only open one night a week. The good news is you can still find patrons going at one another in four-person rounds of Gauntlet well past a typical bars last call. Most people are introduced to Barcade by friends who dont want to go home yet, or they hear about it through word of mouth. A guy straight from the deepest bowels of Burning Man, braids glittering with beads and found objects beneath a jester hat, blows by some Ramones look-alikes and the fattest couple Ive ever seen bumping and grinding on the dance floor. Kindness and camaraderie abound, showing how a little play goes a long way. If you can find it, eat, dance, be merry and beat BRENDA33s high score on Joust. Only this time with a cheap beer and anything else you can get your hands on. Tron has nothing on your new virtual reality. Hadley Tomicki