Fleshlight Thanks Navy SEALS by Giving them Jerk-off Sex Toys

Go get him.
Go get him.

This out-of-the-ordinary announcement somehow got lost in the vaginal folds of our email inbox only to be discovered later while desperately searching for a message sent by a jegginged gentleman with spikey hair.

Fleshlight Thanks Navy SEALS by Giving them Jerk-off Sex Toys

Never heard of the Fleshlight? Hm. Here's what you do:

  1. Remove your Snuggie.
  2. Turn off Spike TV.
  3. Open the curtains.
  4. Join society.
  5. And read this.

OK, now you're on the right path.

These anatomically accurate masturbator sleeves (for men, duh) gently yet firmly - or however you want your customized Fleshlight to feel - strokes your cock up and down emulating one of three human orifices: the ass, mouth or vagina.

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They're the closest thing he'll probably get to sex with a breathing woman and they've sold more than 4 million worldwide. So yeah, if you're one of the 11 men who hasn't heard of it, don't fret. The rest of the world caught on years ago while you were busy setting up your secret PayPal account to buy Girls Gone Wild footage online.

So the company behind the development of the world's No. 1 selling male sex toy decided to send a case of products to Navy SEAL Team 6 to thank them for conducting a brave, highly dangerous, however astoundingly successful mission that you may or may not have heard about.

"We want to thank the Navy SEALs for their efforts," says Brian Shubin, COO of Fleshlight. "For their courage, and the fact that they risked their lives to protect our freedom, we hope they will appreciate our gifts."

The Fleshlights, named "Stealth," [EDITOR'S NOTE: Aw....adorable?] were sent to the team just before the company discontinued the discreet and concealable collection to make room for a new line called "Pure."

We assume the Pure Fleshlights will be sent to the millions of young adult males who were conned into wearing purity rings and pledge their undying devotion to living sex-free until someone else cons them into marriage.

But regardless, whatever it takes to make life in deployment more bearable, to pass the time, and/or to help our brave soldiers feel as close to their significant others and/or their fantasies as possible - let's do it.

Maybe we should send them some lube.


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