Heathen

  BEST PLACE TO SCORE GRASS AT 4 A.M.

Pico and (Note: Drugs are bad. Don’t do them. They will eat away at your seemingly perfect life, turning your precious angelic spawn into underachieving little bed-hoppers, and punch you a one-way ticket to Jerry Springerville. They are the number-one cause of pretentious bad art and ridiculous homemade jewelry and clothing. JUST SAY NO. But then again, should you weaken . . .) Magnolia. The predicament: It’s four a.m., you’re out of grass and you’ve just discovered that the friendly neighborhood dealer is out running errands. For the next four years. What to do? The solution: a quick trip to the intersection of Pico and Magnolia in the Pico-Union district! The stretch of Magnolia just north of Pico is like a 24-hour Pic-N-Save that sells only pot. The, ahem, vendors are eager to do business with you, so say the magic word ("mota") and have your $20 in hand. Browsing and dickering is generally frowned upon, so grab your shit and go. Besides, that mono copy of Sgt. Pepper’s is awaiting your safe return home. Ain’t free enterprise grand? And you thought that high school Spanish class was a waste of time . . . (Chris Checkman)

 

THANKS, HON! THOSE G-STRINGS REALLY HIT THE SPOT!

Dream Dresser. With the boldest and sexiest window displays in the city, this factory of fantasy is as playful as its exterior suggests. Offering erotic apparel in a sophisticated atmosphere, the 3-year-old shop attracts everyone from conservative-looking straight couples to vampiric dominatrixes to Hollywood stylists to the surrounding gay community. Whether you’re looking for traditional lacy lingerie, a body-enhancing patent-leather getup or a provocative satin corset, Dream Dresser has it. Explore the sensual feel of latex with the vast selection of rubber pieces (the hottest sellers), including nippleless bras, cat suits, and skirts and hoods in red, black ã and beige. Bondage wear is in abundance, with a wide variety of harnesses, chained peek-a-boo bras and G-strings, along with S&M tools such as whips, paddles and slappers. If that stuff’s a little too hardcore for you, there’s always the demure French-maid outfits (in pristine pink), streetwalkeresque thigh-high boots or studded leather underwear sets. 8444-50 Santa Monica Blvd., W. Hollywood; (213) 848-3480. (Lina Lecaro)

 

SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL SAN FERNANDO VALLEY

Video Liquidators. Are those ’70s porn videos you stole from your dad’s garage rubbing you the wrong way? Then get new ones — cheap too, starting at $2.99 a title. If what you need is not in stock, the clerk will be glad to order it. Start a collection. I did. (I had no idea how long this dry spell would last.) There are always deals, like the "Bald Guy Special," where you bring in a Bald Guy and get a free Jaguar and a pair of edible underwear. Or the "Big Sweaty Black Man" promotion. Bring in a Big Sweaty Black Man (a photo will do) and get a free trip to Europe and a can of Crisco. And then there’s the "Buy Two and Get the Third Video Free." (This one is for real.) You can also rent practically any title for 99 cents. 1657 N. Highland Ave., Hollywood, (213) 463-7310; other locations, too. (Rick Earlye)

I LIGHT THE BONGS THAT MAKE THE WHOLE WORLD SING

Galaxy Gallery. It used to be if you wanted to purchase a smoking utensil for use with something other than tobacco, you’d have to sneak into some dark hole of a shop cloaked in Grateful Dead posters and reeking of bad incense. Then you’d participate in a game of don’t say this, do say that: "water pipe," not "bong"; "tobacco," not "weed." Well, it hasn’t been completely legalized (yet), but the image of marijuana, its paraphernalia and its users is definitely start- ing to change, thanks to the passage of Proposition 215 and to intelligent, unapologetic establishments such as Galaxy Gallery. This new store/café/art gallery has the largest selection of exotic pipes and smoking accessories in the country and quite possibly the world (Amsterdam included). With literally thousands of pipes and bongs decorating the shelves, it’s impossible not to find something you’ll want to strap to your face and suck. Choose from plastic, ceramic and handblown-glass smoking vessels. (A glass-blower comes in daily to create his wares and entertain customers.) In addition to the retail shop, Galaxy’s café offers tasty refreshments and rotating art displays from local talent, occasional Saturday-night acid-jazz shows, and space to hang out with open-minded, creative, over-18 individuals. 7224 Melrose Ave.; (213) 938-6500. (Lina Lecaro) ã

 

SATAN SEZ: BEST DESSERT!

Chocolate Croissant Pudding at Pinot. Don’t ask. Don’t let them tell you what’s in it. Just accept that a couple of servings of the chocolate croissant pudding with Wild Turkey sauce at Pinot would have clogged even Pritikin’s arteries. One bite and you’ll understand that clean arteries are overrated anyway. Two bites and you’ll realize that those PVC pants would look better — actually better — with a few more bulges. After that, you won’t be thinking much. They tried to take this stuff off the menu, but there were too many customer complaints. So now it’s back. You will be, too. 1448 N. Gower St., Hollywood; (213) 461-8800. (Sue Horton)