Fat Chicks Try Harder: Diary of an L.A. Douche

I've had this exchange more than once:

"You get laid last night?"

"I did."

"What did she look like?"

"She had a great personality."

This statement can be applied to any woman who isn't all that great looking, but it's always applied to big girls in my book.

The girls with curves.

The broads with a little junk in the trunk.

Fatties.

I'm not a chubby chaser by any means. At my gnarled root, I am still that superficial prick who puts a premium on looks.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Agreed. High standards for someone huddled in the shadows all day.]

However, some time ago - and perhaps I am getting soft in my old age - intelligence and personality became just as important to me as looks. In fact, I've made sexual decisions, (i.e. do I want to sleep with this broad?) based solely on personality and intelligence.

Had to.

The looks weren't getting the job done. Thankfully, the booze was.

Some people are surprised to find out my pristine track record is dotted with a few potholes and, in this case, some rather large ones. But here's the thing. I grew up in Wisconsin.

Most hot broads who live there either move to L.A. or Chicago. Those who stay are salted clams - they think they're the best thing a man's ever seen when, in fact, they wouldn't be a six in this town.

As I am one to quickly tire of a woman's bullshit, I sometimes take it down a notch and end up talking to women who really have no business talking to me. And then of course I find she has a great personality, so what the fuck, right?

The last conversation I had where this subject came up was about regrets. A friend of mine listed a time he slept with a fat girl as one of his regrets. I laughed and told him I've done it a number of times and had no regrets whatsoever.

Why?

Fat girls try harder.

1. They're not gorgeous and guys never paid attention to them growing up - probably still don't - so they have to have developed good personalities. If you're a fat girl with a shitty attitude, you should go out and kill yourself because you're of no use to anyone.

2. The good personality transfers directly to the bedroom. Fat girls will do all kinds of kinky shit and you don't even have to ask. They go the extra mile every time and that means something to me.

It's like when you're staying at a nice hotel and they leave a mint on your pillow, but I digress. You know why chunky chicks go the extra mile? Because they have to.

Here's woman formula #15643, broken down for you:

Scenario 1: Eat a lot, don't diet or exercise = be intelligent, thoughtful and a freak in the bedroom.

Scenario 2: Work your ass off, eat right, look great = be a cunt, lay there like a dead fish

Now, these aren't hard and fast rules by any means. I know a few skinny girls who can more than hold their own with the larger ladies. However, Scenario 1 holds true about 90 percent of the time and I think that makes it more than just a theory.

Now, let's face it, there aren't a lot of fat girls in Los Angeles. In fact, I think they have checkpoints out by Riverside and San Bernardino to keep them out of this area. But, gentlemen, next time you see a woman who's a little bit bigger than what you're used to, consider it. She'll be grateful and you probably will, too.

A little personality goes a long way.


Sponsor Content

Newsletters

All-access pass to the top stories, events and offers around town.

  • Top Stories
    Send:

Newsletters

All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >