Confirmed: Lindsay Lohan Is a Really Shitty Driver
Lindsay Lohan was reportedly involved in another car crash around noon today. According to TMZ, who is ON IT, the recovering party girl smashed her black Porsche into the back of a semi while heading north on the PCH. [Update: It may have been a rental. Update No. 2: Lohan is fine, says TMZ, and back on the set of "Liz & Dick."]
Witnesses told TMZ that Lohan "seemed OK," although "bleeding and bruised" enough to warrant a trip to the hospital.
Which pretty much confirms it: Lindsay Lohan is a really shitty driver.
Anyone who's ever braved the Pacific Coast Highway knows that truckers -- who should really stick to the 405 but never do, and instead insist on basking in the glorious Malibu coastline with the rest of us -- can't see jack shit in any direction. They will necessarily cut you off at the worst moment possible.
In conclusion, on a skinny two-lane cliff-hugger like PCH, the angry semi driver yields to the asshole trucker. Always. And if they don't, their Porsche comes out looking like a robot pug barfing up kibble.
Lohan's Porsche is reportedly totaled.
With that, we give you a brief history of the havoc reeked upon Los Angeles by Lindsay Lohan -- an annoyingly excellent case for the "boys are better drivers" argument.
June 2005: Lohan, reportedly being trailed by paparazzi, tries to make a random U-turn when she sees a cop car heading the other direction. Paparazzi smacks into her.
October 2005: Lohan collides into a van in West Hollywood while, again, fleeing papparazzi. Witness statement: "She came up the street like a bat out of hell. She was nailing it. The guy she hit was making a U-turn to get into his parking place. ... There was smoke everywhere. Lindsay jumped out and ran to the antique store."
July 2007: A frightened woman calls the cops and says Lohan's SUV has been recklessly chasing her through Santa Monica. When pulled over by police, Lohan is found to be drunk and in possession of cocaine.
September 2010: Lohan is caught on video bumping into a baby stroller while driving her Maserati through a crosswalk.
March 2012: Upon leaving a club in Hollywood, Lohan allegedly runs into the manager of a nearby hookah bar. And instead of stopping to see if he's OK, she allegedly zooms off into the night. Lohan later blames the pedestrian mishap on her own lack of visibility, due to -- what else -- paparazzi.
Next thing you know, our Liz Taylor glamor puss will claim the PCH trucker was trying to get a snapshot.
Get better soon, girl. In more ways than one.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you'll never miss LA Weekly's biggest stories.