California Penis Size Disappoints
I wish they all could be California penises, sung no one ever.
To prove it, the condom retailer Condomania has tallied orders from customers spanning two years. That's tens of thousands of Jim Hat sales, the site says.
Then it ranked America's states by the condom sizes their residents purchased. California is the largest state in the union! ( ... if you measure it by population).
UCLA Bruins Men's Baseball v California Bears Baseball
TicketsSat., Mar. 25, 12:01am
Los Angeles Clippers v Utah JAzz - Verified Resale Tickets
TicketsSat., Mar. 25, 12:30pm
Los Angeles D-Fenders vs. Santa Cruz Warriors
TicketsSat., Mar. 25, 6:30pm
Los Angeles Clippers v Sacramento Kings - Verified Resale Tickets
TicketsSun., Mar. 26, 12:30pm
But unfortunately the mighty Golden State, the center of our universe, came in a puny 15th when it comes to penis size, according to Condomania's ranking, released this week.
What's even stranger about this state-vs.-state sword fight is that North Dakota topped the list.
Yes, the place you fly over as you're renewing your mile-high-club credentials just out-measured you. Bummer.
Must be the wide open country and cowboy culture. But wait: It's called the Peace Garden State. Yeah. As in the Garden of Eden?
Anyway, Rhode Island came next, so to speak, then South Dakota. Here's the whole list, from magnum to peewee:
District of Columbia
Condomania says it looked at the purchases from each state, including ...
... Lifestyles Snugger Fit condoms and the Iron Gripper Snugger Fit condoms, and larger sized condoms such as the popular Trojan Magnum condoms and the Lifestyles Skyn Large condoms.
So California guys, you have your work cut out for you. Go big. Or at least order the largest size you can next time. Even if they don't fit. Take one for the team.
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter Our daily newsletter delivers quick clicks to keep you in the know
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Los Angeles, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.