Bum On Skid Row: 'Two White Men' Gave Us Four Loko Surplus, But 'I'd Rather Be Cold Than Drink That Shit'
Uptown AlmanacOther bums -- particularly, the kind who live in dorms -- can't resist the stuff
Bet you were wondering what happened to all those glorious old Lokos that had to be recalled after the FDA banned alcoholic energy drinks from U.S. shelves earlier this month. (Well, aside from the 50 we immediately stocked in our backup fridge...)
One particular bum staked out on Skid Row has the answer: He told L.A. grad student Isabelle Gerard, who then told the Root, that two white guys had dropped off a mother lode of the outlawed alcopop on Skid Row, hoping the local homeless population would finish it off.
"Keeps people warm, you know," he allegedly said to Gerard. "It's been fucking cold out here."
The student was just taking a pleasant stroll to work last week (which apparently takes her through the butthole of East L.A.) when she noticed the cement was strewn with "dozens and dozens" of crinkled Four Lokos. Were they -- could they be -- the ghosts of Loko past? Nope. Freshly guzzled, them Lokos. The Root reports:
One of the Row's residents ... told her that "two white men" have been making Four Loko shipments to Skid Row for the past couple nights.
The man said the Four Loko shipments have been coming in a white delivery truck with no signs on it. "I don't want to get them in trouble," he said. "It's nice that they bring us shit."
By far the best moment of the encounter, though, is when said Skid Row regular announces that he himself could never resort to ingesting the insta-fader -- which has been compared to cleaning solution/lighter fluid/liquid meth -- no matter how miserable the night might become.
"I'd rather be cold than drink that shit," he said.
Which should definitely be plastered all over some future (watered-down) Loko ad campaign, because if Phusion Projects takes away any business savvy from this whole FDA ordeal, it should be: The worse the publicity, the more popular the product.
Heck, our cranberry lemonades are already going for triple the 7-Eleven price tag. Boo-ya.
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