Brit Woman Guilty of Assault for Attempting to Bite Off Lover's Penis
Do not pass Go, Psycho. Do not collect 200 dollars.
Attention guys: Don't piss off a chick, or you may end up losing your dick.
On Monday, now-infamous English penis biter Sinead Walker, 40, chomped off more than she could chew when she was found guilty by a British court on two counts of common assault, after mauling her lover's manhood with her mouth, leaving it and him permanently scarred.
The victim, Vincent Rennoldson, a 42-year-old former shop fitter and father of three, complained to reporters after the verdict: "It was horrific -- she came around to say sorry and ended up trying to bite my penis off. There was a lot of blood and it was painful for weeks afterwards. I now have a three-inch scar."
Rennoldson went on to admit: "She was on her knees, got it in her hands and just started biting. I just screamed -- the pain was excruciating. It has affected me -- I was watching Jaws the other night but had to turn over. If you hit or kick someone that's one thing -- but biting them down there is another thing. It could have been worse -- she could have bitten it off. At least it still works."
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Well, thank God for small miracles. If John Bobbitt were reading this, I'm sure he would agree.
The contemptuous pair who had only been dating for 10 months and had several drunken altercations, the first of which resulted in him getting his ass kicked and her getting arrested.
Two weeks later, Ms. Walker, already reportedly intoxicated on a bottle of wine and out on bail for the first beating, returned to Rennoldson's apartment with friends, wanting to apologize and party. Instead, she started striking him with her fists when he asked her to leave. After wounding his weenie, Walker fled the scene but was again detained by police.
Testifying in open court for the second battery case, Mr. Rennoldson confessed: "She pushed me against the wall in the hallway and pulled my boxer shorts down. She grabbed my penis and tried to pull it off. She was on the floor -- then she bit it. I have now got a scar on it -- I will show anybody. She tried to bite my penis off."
Jurors got to see shocking photographic evidence of the bruises and scratches the victim received to his upper arms, neck and elbow from the attack -- as well as the gaping wound to his junk.
The sadistic scorned lover denied both counts of assault and claimed the injuries Mr. Rennoldson sustained were due to self-defense and from her attempt to fight her way out of his apartment. Ms. Walker also swore to the court that she never bit into his bulge.
The defense argued on her behalf saying: "The defendant has done her best to account for his injuries -- saying they could have happened during sexual intercourse."
That's some pretty rough sex, no? I've heard of accidentally breaking a man's rod riding him reverse cowgirl, but not about inadvertently masticating him while fornicating in a normal fashion.
It took less than an hour to find the eunuch enthusiast guilty on both counts. The judge in the case said: "We find Mr. Rennoldson's injuries are consistent with the emergency-calls and the photographs. We do not accept Ms. Walker's claims that is was self defense."
Penis maiming aside, Walker has no previous convictions, and has yet to be sentenced, but was released on bail on the condition she did not contact her former partner.
Mr. Rennoldson and his mutilated member can rest easy now that willy-wilting Walker will never get close enough to sink her teeth into them again.
Chew on that news, boys.
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