For whatever reason(s), we've found ourselves in a mild funk, intimacy-wise. Since starting our year off with a literal bang, the sexual heat has dissipated slightly, with frequency dropping from our stable average of three-to-four times weekly to once or twice.
Though precipitous, what worried us was not the number, but our casual attitude toward letting things slip to a 10-year low. Now beyond a mere blip, we seem to have firmly established a pattern that neither of us finds troublesome – which is troublesome. In fact, we've hardly given sex a second thought, what with work, “Glee,” “Modern Family,” and other non-passionate distractions occupying the majority of our time these days.
Ironic considering we run an adult business, no?
Never missing an opportunity to grow sexually, however, we've finally decided to reclaim our sexual mojo by exploring an area to which we've yet to fully commit – BDSM. For those of you uninitiated, this acronym stands for Bondage, Domination, Sado Masochism, in other words whips, chains, ball gags, leather, latex and giving in to your partner's demands.
Sure, we've experimented lightly with some soft BDSM play, such as restraining one another with cuffs and rope, and/or mildly striking the fleshier parts of each other's bodies with crops or whips; but really assuming the roles of dom and sub? Not even close.
Give us sex toys, positions, tantra and screaming orgasms; to our minds, though, BDSM is a much deeper and scarier world, entirely.
And if fear of black leather and pain thresholds isn't enough, there's the tricky process of simply starting out. Which one of us, for example, will assume the dominant role and is the other comfortable in the submissive casting? How far are we willing to go in these new positions of power/submission? Do we switch as a matter of course?
We've read books that assure us of the safety and rewards of BDSM, but is our trust in our relationship solid enough to push the boundaries in this direction?
The answers to these questions obviously depend on the individual participants, but we decided to start things off in the simplest way we could by turning our normal routine upside down. This is to say that for the last 22 years, most of our sexual encounters have been initiated from the male side of our coupling (for no other reason than it just happened to fall that way naturally).
For the foreseeable future, we decided, ALL sexual situations would spring from our female half, meaning foreplay through full-blown intercourse would be in the exclusive control of the feminine side. Our agreement was (and is currently) that sexual initiation of any kind can only be started in this manner, period. If this meant going days, weeks, or months without intimacy, then so be it.
Of course, we laughed about the risk nothing would happen, and for the first few days that was exactly how things went. After a week, however, the female libido kicked in with a vengeance and sex returned, albeit awkwardly – then accelerated to a brisk pace approaching pre-doldrum levels.
And that's where we currently stand. Sex has been injected with a healthy dose of excitement again and we're once again motivated to learn and expand in this intriguing area. Slowly, we plan to take things further, adding implements of destruction as our comfort levels increase, outfits to match our journey, and sojourns to BDSM oriented events as well.
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Will pleasure be found in pain?
Looking for something amazing to do over the Memorial Day weekend? Come party with US at Lightning in a Bottle! Our friends at the DoLab are presenting three full days of dancing, art, education, environmental awareness and incredible people in Irvine's Oak Canyon Ranch. We will be volunteering during the day and partying from late afternoon ‘til the sun rises each morning.
Tickets are available for all three days, or limited day entries on a first come, first served basis.
For more information, please visit the Lightning In A Bottle website and come hang with us – it's kid-friendly, too!