Banned From The Grove: 6 Others Who Should Never Step Foot There
Mario Lopez at the Grove.
The Grove / Facebook
Since when is the Grove L.A.'s moral compass?
Fair question. In the land of porn, legal marijuana, and Charlie Sheen, some entity has to step forward and draw the line in this town. It might as well be Rick Caruso's celebrity-rich mall. In fact, after thinking about it, we came up with a list of six other people that should be banned by the Grove:
Black Media Coalition
6 and 5. John & Ken. If Manny Pacquiao is banned from the Grove for his intolerant stance toward same-sex marriage, you'd have to consider this KFI AM 640 duo for its comments about immigrants, Asian Americans and black people. They called Whitney Houston a "crack ho" after her death. And early this year they called out "certain cultures" that "rip people off," mentioning "Korean painter scam guys." Makes us not want to shop in the same place as these two, frankly.
4. Octomom. Despite the fact that she foisted 14 children on our community, including the fertility aided 8-in-1 shot that made her the infamous Octomom, we sense that people are starting to feel sorry for La Habra's Nadya Suleman. For one, she lives in La Habra. People take showers just to clean off the La Habra after driving through on the 90 freeway. Some even resort to lahabratomies. You don't want any of that being wiped off on the Grove's gilded doorstep, we can tell you that right now. But back to Suleman: She's had financial troubles, including a bankruptcy case gone sideways and the constant threat of losing her home. And now she's doing masturbation porn. Frankly, she can't afford the Grove, even with one hand bringing home some bacon. And the last thing this mall needs is a family of 15 descending on Victoria Secret so mommy can get an outfit for her next shoot. Ew, right?
3. Lindsay Lohan. Whoa, said the Grove's marketing people: Lohan is pure gold. She's a grand influencer, and TMZ shots of her shopping constitute valuable advertising for any retailer she rips off (just ask that jewelry store in Venice you never heard of until Lohan allegedly five-finger discounted the place). But hear us out: This actress crashes a lot. Allegedly. And commits DUIs. Do you really want this crazy chick driving her Merc anywhere near Rick Caruso's $400,000 Rolls-Royce Phantom? Yeah, that's what we thought.
2. Joe Francis. It's not that we hate him for being beautiful, that he gets way more chicks than us, or that he discovered the secret to making cash off of drunk girls. This guy should be banned from the Grove for the mall's own safety. You see, physical clashes with females seem to follow Francis around like blonds on Hefner. We would think the Grove's legal team would want to keep him away to reduce its liability -- just in case a woman allegedly walks into his fist outside the Apple store some day.
Frank 'n' Magic.
1. Frank McCourt. Sure, we could cut Frank McCourt some slack for finally taking a bow and getting the hell out of the Dodgers business. But as we've been reporting, he's not really completely out of the Dodgers business. He gets a slice of the $14 million a year Dodger Stadium parking lot lease payments as part of his deal selling the team to Magic Johnson and company. This is the most hated man in L.A. sports, and he couldn't leave well enough alone: So keep him out of the Grove! Or at least charge him $14 million a year to park there.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss LA Weekly's biggest stories.
- Former Sheriff Lee Baca Admits He Lied to FBI, Could Face Prison
- Cyclists Dedicate L.A. Marathon Crash Ride to Bernie Sanders
- Here Are the L.A. Areas With the Biggest Crime Decreases