MORE

Amazing Rants Overheard on Los Angeles Buses: "That Would Be a Hate Crime!"

Rant: "That Would Be a Hate Crime!"

Ranters: Young man in "Legalize Gay" T-shirt; Perplexed Dude in Dodgers gear

Location: 217 bus, headed north on Fairfax

Time: 11:30 a.m. on a Tuesday

Topics Covered: Staring on buses; whether being stared at is the fault of the starer or staree; how being fascinated by public gayness does not necessarily make one gay; societal disapproval of heterosexuals expressing group pride; how the identity of an insulter might compromise the insult.

Does Rant Include Advice on Whom You Should Not Fuck With: Not directly.

The Rant:

Legalize Gay Guy: See something you like?

Perplexed Dude: What's that supposed to mean?

Legalize Gay Guy: I have never stared at a guy as hard as you've stared at me.

[Legalize Gay Guy exits bus. Perplexed Dude's girlfriend laughs. Seconds pass before Perplexed Dude manages to form a response.]

Perplexed Dude: What the fuck was that? If you don't want people staring, don't wear a shirt like that! Fuck yeah, I'm going to stare to try to figure out if you're fucking serious or not!

[Perplexed Dude's girlfriend advises him to calm down.]

Perplexed Dude: I don't need to! I'm not upset! I'm fine with them, and I don't care who anybody fucks just as long as it's not, like, you! But there's a double standard, here. If I walked around with a shirt saying "I'm Straight, Motherfuckers!" then that would be a hate crime!

[Perplexed Dude's girlfriend rolls eyes.]

Perplexed Dude: I'm not judging anyone! And what's really fucked is I was just looking, and then he acts like I might be the gay one? That's judgment!

Perplexed Dude's Girlfriend: I don't think he cares.

Perplexed Dude: He wishes. He's all about pride and legalizing but then he goes calling me homo like it's an insult. What kind of pride is that? If I was gay, I'd just be gay, and I wouldn't go around making it the world's business.

Perplexed Dude's Girlfriend: It'd be my business.

Perplexed Dude: You can't insult someone by calling them what you already are. That's an insult on you. You want to talk pride, how about having some for real?


Sponsor Content

Newsletters

All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >