Amazing Rants Overheard on L.A. Busses: Keeping the rabbit in the hat!
- 50ish white woman wearing teensy, ineffectual gray Splice tank top and trying to hide a can of Steel Reserve
40ish black man, in beret and yellow button-down shirt, who occasionally drags woman onto his lap but then occasionally pushes her away in disgust.
Location: Bus stop, 14th & Grand
Time: 12:45 p.m., Thurs., Aug. 19
Topics covered: Cash money, shit motherfuckers do not have figured out, diarrhea, the act of defecation's similarity to a famous magic trick, the golden age of radio, the difficulties of fighting someone who is intangible
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Did Rant Include Advice on Whom You Should or Should Not Fuck With? Yes.
She: [laughing] It's not going to be pretty.
He: I keep saying it's all about the cash money. The cash money.
She: You got money.
He: I got shit figured out. All these motherfuckers don't got shit figured out ... [pauses, considering.] Shit, I'm a Desert Storm veteran. I deserve it.
She: You deserted?
He: I deserve it because I got shit figured out, and these motherfuckers ...
She: I have diarrhea. [Laughs, lies down in his lap.] Oh, shit, I have the runs. I hate the runs.
He: Is it coming out your ass?
She: [laughing] It's coming out!
He: Keep the rabbit in the hat! Keep the rabbit in the hat!
She: [laughing] What's that mean?
He: It means, don't let the rabbit out the hat! Keep it in!
She: [laughing] But what's that mean?
He: No one knows. Only the Shadow knows!
She: Only the what the fuck?
He: Only the Shadow is the one who knows. You know? That's old-time. That's before my time, but I still know. That's like ... back before TV, there was radio, and there was the Shadow. "What evil lurks in the heart of men? Only the Shadow knows!" I know that 'cause I'm old, but I ain't that old.
She: You're not old. [Laughs.] The fucking Shadow.
He: You don't fuck with the Shadow 'cause he a creepy motherfucker. How you gonna fuck up a fucking shadow?
She: Only the Shadow knows. Oh, shit.
He: You gonna have drooping drawers. All sagging and shit.
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