Amazing Rants Overheard in LA: "She's Probably Got Some Dollar General Specials"

Ranter: Two teen girls, one blissed out and one itching for a fight, both sitting with silent, amused, affectionate boys

Location: 38 Bus, headed west on Jefferson

Time: 11:30 p.m. on a Friday

Topics Covered: Private space in the public sphere; apparent similarities between Spanish and Chinese; the high price of quality footwear; the conditions under which shit is likely to start; the difference between American and Mexican public transportation; reasons to be happy in 2011.

Does Rant Include Advice on Whom You Should Not Fuck With: Yes

The Rant:

[An older woman of significant carriage presses toward the rear of the bus. Her passage stirs controversy.]

Blissed Out: That's my shoe, bitch! Why don't you watch where you're walking?

Itching: She can't see her own feet, how's she going to see yours?

[Older woman responds angrily in Spanish.]

Itching: Don't you talk your jibber-jabber! I'll chimmey chong-chong right back at you! You think I'm scared of you? You'd be advised to shut your mouth and watch where you're stepping!

[Older woman, now deep in the bus, does not respond.]

Itching: Now, look, they're scuffed up. Brand new, hundred-dollar shoes got a mark right on them because bitches can't walk straight!

[These last three words she shouts from the diaphragm. Her date laughs and whispers to her.]

Itching: No, it is a big deal! She doesn't pay attention, and then she runs her mouth, so shit's liable to start! Why don't you go back there and handle it? You don't, I will. I'll go back there and stomp on her shoes, not that it'll be the same thing. She's probably got some Dollar General specials.

Blissed Out: Let it go.

Itching: She can't just do that! You can't just stomp around like it's one of these Mexican buses with the chickens and shit! I'll go back there and--

Blissed Out: They're my shoes, and I don't care.

[Kisses her date's ear.]

Blissed Out: Don't let people get to you! You've got him, and we've got a black president, and there's nothing anybody can do to fuck with that!

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