Amazing Rants: How They Lure You to California

Ranter: Rangy teenage white boy in a Kottonmouth Kings T-shirt addressing a black teenager who clearly wasn't interested.

Location: 37 bus, headed east on West Adams.

Time: 1:05 p.m., Thursday, August 19.

Topics Covered: Difference between sharing and selling pot, what judges find amusing, shit that's fucked up, why one might move to California, why one might find California disappointing upon arrival, the likelihood of Prop. 19's passage, why it's preferable to be charged with a felony rather than a misdemeanor.

Did Rant Include Advice on Whom You Should or Should Not Fuck With? No.

The Rant:

Kottonmouth Kid: It was the stupidest shit ever. It was shit they don't arrest you for anymore. Even the judge, he was, like, "We don't see much of this these days." I wasn't selling or nothing. I just said to my friend, this girl, "Hey, hold on to my nug so I can light up." Cops grab her, and suddenly they're, like, "Are you selling drugs?"

[Kottonmouth Kid asks "Are you selling drugs?" in a booming cop voice, twice.]

Kottonmouth Kid: Like, how stupid do they think I am? Even the judge, man. He looked at the brief or whatever and he was just laughing. He knew they set it up. He knows the game. And he still put me away for 48. That shit right there — that shit is fucked up. I'm, like, the whole reason I came out here is to stop serving time for fucking weed. Then as soon as I'm here ...

[Kottonmouth Kid passes a moment in silent contemplation.]

Kottonmouth Kid: They're always, like, "Come to California! Weed's going to be legal!" And then it never is. I don't care how you vote, legalization won't happen, and we all end up serving time for weed. For weed! I'm trying to start a business, herbal shit, and I had places I had to be last weekend. I told 'em, and they still lock me up, like they don't even want me to try. They don't give a shit. They were, like, "We're going to charge you with a felony count," and I'm, like, "You know what? Good." A felony count is better than a misdemeanor because with a felony they can only hold you 48. With a misdemeanor, I might still be in there, and I got shit to do.

[Kottonmouth Kid looks around the bus.]

Kottonmouth Kid: Where are we? Shit.

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