All Your Bong Are Belong To U.S.

Let me see that bong ba-bong bong bong.
Let me see that bong ba-bong bong bong.
U.S. Customs and Border Protection

The man cannot be fooled: U.S. Customs and Border Protection officials at the ports of Los Angeles and Long Beach announced Thursday they seized a bong-load of paraphernalia that was shipped to the U.S. from China disguised as holiday ornaments.

The goods were described as "glass figures and Christmas ornaments," but, as a statement from the U.S. Customs and Border Protection agency reads, "The highly decorated glass pipes did not fool CBP officials." Did you hear that stoners? The feds roll ninja style, so don't even try.

But get this: The seizure was estimated to be worth $2.6 million. That's 860 boxes containing 316,068 fine Chinese bongs shipped by sea. Do you really smoke that much weed, America? And answer me this: Does anyone roll a joint anymore? Or is that like asking if you still use dial-up?

The feds say it's illegal to export such glass finery to the United States, and they add that it's also against the law to sell it (ask Tommy Chong). But as any stroll down Melrose Avenue or Hollywood Boulevard will make apparent, enforcement is spotty at best. So exhale.


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