Valentine's Day is here and if you're like most couples, you or your lover are scrambling for a dinner reservation somewhere -- anywhere-- about now.
If you get one, the odds of it being great are slim though. Restaurants are at their busiest, there are fixed menus that limit food options, multiple seating times that make the eatery rush you out, and often bitter servers that would much rather be with their boos than serving you.
We say save the money/headache and eat at home, but make it a more special and sensual experience than you could ever have going out.
Here are six ideas for getting freaky with food on Valentines Day.
6. In The Raw
Is sushi sexy? For some, associating anything sexual with fish is kind of a turn-off mainly because of the smell. Still, going out for sushi and sake remains a date night staple.
Staying in and making sushi can be even better, especially if you use your naked body as the platter. As seen in the Sex and The City movie -- seasoned sexpot Samantha Jones attempted it for her boyfriend Smith Jared on V-Day -- a roll in rice can be a novel prelude to a roll in the hay.
If you try it, here are a couple of tips: Keep it simple (California rolls make great pasties if they're cut wide), incorporate other Japanese fare (edamame, sliced cucumbers), make it pretty (add flowers for filler) and most importantly, make sure both you and the fish are 100 percent fresh and clean.
5. Sex and Candy
Incorporating sweets with sweet love making might be old news, particularly when it comes to chocolate and whipped cream. By all means try 'em if you never have, but for those of you who've been there, licked that, there's something much naughtier and less messy: lolli-pops.
Ladies, even if you don't want to get sticky in the bedroom, you can use these to flirt with and -- innocently -- show off those tongue-ing skills. If you and your Valentine haven't gotten to the tootsie roll center of your relationship yet, this just might do it too.
If you're already suckers for each other, why not rub that Blow Pop all over yourself and see how many licks it really takes?
4. Toss Each Other's Salads
OK, we're not talking about the bad running joke in Eddie Murphy's Delirious stand-up act. We're talking actual salads. Way before Carls Jr. hired Kim Kardashian to get lusty with lettuce in their commercials, women's magazine surveys dubbed salads the grub of choice for hot dates.
No one wants to look gluttonous so the reasons for popularity are obvious. But salads are about texture (crispness and crunchiness of the veggies and the creaminess or tartness of the dressings) so they're actually a great prelude to other sensory experiences regardless.
Plus they're a lot less bloating than steak and potatoes. Making them together can be a lot of fun too. Pop open a bottle of wine and get to tossing.
3. Frost Your C-Cups
Katy Perry was on to something when she rocked that cutesy cupcake bra in her "California Girls" music video. For one, the pink ones with cherries on top actually look like breasts. The blue wig, booty shorts and bra she wore are so iconic at this point, they go beyond a fun Halloween costume.
We suggest mimicking the look but substituting edible ingredients for your Valentine's eve encounter. It's easy too: just get a bra and two cupcakes. Cut the tops of the confections off so they're flat-ish and use sticky substances like peanut butter, honey or jam to attach and top with berries of your choice.
Foodstuffs aren't glue of course, so you'll probably have to present yourself laying down...then prepare to get sprinkled.
2. Pasta for Puckering
The classic scene from Disney's Lady & The Tramp is still one of the cutest things ever, especially since the doggies get so bashful about getting face to face. Chomping on noodles together intentionally is a little different, but it's just silly enough to make you both laugh before your lips meet. A saucy meal is guaranteed, but leave off the garlic.
1. Get Your Fridge On
Some of the most erotic fun with food on film ever, this scene from 9 1/2 Weeks surely inspired many a kitchen canoodle and late night munch-fest when it came out.
Rent the film for inspiration (and marvel at how hot Mickey Rourke was!), then get to feeding each other and drenching each other with your favorite condiments, beverages and toppings.
Make sure to have milk, honey and Jell-o, but unless you're a masochistic type like Rourke's character, leave out the chili peppers and Vick's Cough Syrup.
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If You Do "Eat Out"...
For those of you who already have dinner plans, we suggest sucking on and then devouring your lobster like Jennifer Beals does here, in Flashdance. The outfit wouldn't hurt either.