As residents of Los Angeles, we all have to endure certain indignities. There's the permanent smog belt within 500 feet of all freeways darkening our lungs, the traffic (405/Caltrans haters unite) keeping us from ever getting anywhere on time and the myriad people who somehow enjoy juice cleanses.
But the one thing that really brings us together in our rage is parking tickets. We've all gotten them -- some deserved, some undeserved. Here are 10 of the most egregious tickets any of us have ever received.
10. The Ticket When Only Your Back Fender Is in the Red Zone
After driving around for 20 minutes, you've finally located a parking spot in a residential neighborhood. You scrutinize the signs. You pull forward as close as you can to the car in front of you. You look and see that only a tiny part of your back fender is overlapping the red curb.
Surely they won't ticket me for that!, you think, optimistically.
You are wrong.
9. The Ticket You Got Because the F*#king Signs Were Unclear
You seriously thought that you understood the seven signs posted above your parking spot in West Hollywood. You did the advanced calculus required to suss out whether you could park there. It's not between 4 and 6 p.m. It's not a Sunday -- and it's also not a school day. You're good, right?
And yet, somehow, you miscalculated. You didn't see that there was an exception between 1:30 and 3:30 p.m. -- and so you parked there right at 2:15 p.m., all but daring them to give you a ticket. Naturally, they complied.
You only realize your miscalculation after the fact -- and then, of course, it seems so sickeningly obvious.
8. The Dreaded Street-Cleaning Ticket
This is the worst, because you have no one to blame but yourself. And it's only made more painful when the city street cleaner doesn't bother to show up and you get another ticket on the other side of the street the following day.
7. The Mean-Spirited Ticket the Rotten Parking Violations Bureau Won't Forgive
The Valley woman who parked legally by her home -- and double-checked because there was construction nearby -- only to have the city erect a sign overnight banning parking, and promptly tow her car. The guy who got a ticket the day he and his car were in San Diego and can prove it. The low-income Eastside woman who was warned by a meter maid to move her car by Monday -- and yet the city towed it Sunday. These are all real-life cases, and our blood is boiling just thinking about them.
6. The Ticket You Watch Them Write
Listen, the meter maid doesn't care about you. You can be running out of your office building as you see her whip out the pad, flailing your arms about wildly, and you know she hasn't even started writing that ticket yet; you know she could stop if she wanted to, but she doesn't. And she won't. She doesn't give even a single damn, and all zero of them are directed at you.
5. The Keeping L.A. Safe Ticket
You don't believe in driving drunk -- not you! When you're wasted after too many whiskeys, you're always careful to hitch a ride home or call a taxi.
Which works great for you, but what about your car? It's still sitting there in that awesome spot you found last night -- a spot that worked great at 11 p.m., but by 8 a.m., you're in a no-parking zone, and damned if you can get out of bed and track down a taxi quickly enough to do anything about it.
It doesn't seem fair, somehow: You were trying to do the right thing by not driving under the influence. Now you're out $50 for cab fare -- and the cost of your parking ticket, too.
4. The Ticket You Got When You Clearly Had Your Hazards On
Sure, you were parked in a bus stop with a red curb. But you were just going to the newsstand! You were right there! So you left your hazards on, and you turned around constantly, and even still, you stood there and watched as they gleefully wrote you a $300 ticket. No rent for you.
3. The Expired Meter Ticket
OK, so this one is your fault: You should not have hit the snooze button on your reminder so many times. But it still sucks.
2. The Restricted Parking Ticket
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A friend invites you for dinner in a nice area in Miracle Mile and forgets to hand you the effing guest permit that you did not realize was required within two short minutes of pulling up. Or, you are trying to park your car overnight in Santa Monica and drive as far east as 20th Street looking for an area that's not permit parking -- there isn't one. Screw you, permit-parking only.
1. The You've-Been-Here-For-Over-Two-Hours Ticket
But how did they know? You don't see any chalk on your tire, like you would in some cities. You don't see anybody lurking down the block.
Sure, you know you've been there for longer than the allotted hours, but who, exactly, is watching? And don't they have anything better to do?