What the Dodgers’ Players’ Music Says About Them

LA Dodgers' Matt Kemp
LA Dodgers' Matt Kemp
Illustration by Fred Harper

[Editor's note: Weekly scribe Jeff Weiss's column, "Bizarre Ride," appears on West Coast Sound every Wednesday. Follow him on twitter and also check out his archives.]

In case you’re among the 63 percent of L.A. residents unable to watch Dodger games due to Time Warner Cable cupidity, L.A.’s oldest professional sports franchise has run up a small lead over the Giants in the National League West. So it goes when you have the highest payroll in professional baseball history plus Clayton Kershaw, the best pitcher in blue since Sandy Koufax.

It’s been more than a quarter century since Chavez Ravine has seen a World Series, but this season might represent the Dodgers’ best odds since Kirk Gibson’s reign of terror. The National League boasts few marquee teams, and the Dodgers have a deep veteran lineup. Yet with the playoffs looming, it’s anyone’s guess to how far they will advance. Thus, this column turns to the most scientific way to assess team chemistry and playoff potential: by evaluating the Dodgers players’ at-bat and walk-up music.

A.J. Ellis, catcher
Song: The Rivieras, “California Sun”
What It Reveals: Oliver Stone famously used this classic 1961 surf rock anthem in The Doors to score Jim Morrison’s first footsteps on Venice Beach. This may reveal the backstop’s penchant for LSD on beach rooftops, but we’re guessing not.

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Adrian Gonzalez, first base
Song: Mariachi Vargas, “El Mariachi Loco”
Reveals: After most games, you can catch Gonzalez getting wavy at the bar at El Compadre in Echo Park.

Dee Gordon, second base
Song: Playaz Circle feat. Lil Wayne, “Duffel Bag Boy”
Reveals: He was down when 2 Chainz was still Tity Boi. Waited on Ticketmaster.com to buy Drake vs. Lil Wayne seats the moment they went on sale. Possibly patterned his base-stealing technique after Cash Money’s royalty-payment policy.

Juan Uribe, third base
Song: Marc Anthony, “Vivir Mi Vida”
Reveals: Come se dice “basic” en espanol?

Hanley Ramirez, shortstop
Song: A$AP Ferg, “Shabba,” or The Fugees, “Ready or Not”
Reveals: Despite his injuries, Ramirez deserves his $15 million salary off taste alone. May have briefly dated the white girl in A$AP Rocky’s “Purple Swag” video.

Carl Crawford, left field
Song: Future, “Move That Dope”; Bobby Shmurda, “Hot Nigga”
Reveals: The rap knowledge of someone raised in Houston’s Fifth Ward (the same neighborhood that produced Scarface and the Geto Boys). By choosing “Move That Dope” as your strut music, you increase the likelihood of random MLB drug tests by 200 percent. Conversely, Crawford probably can help you find the best dispensaries on the East Side and knows the location of Bobby Shmurda’s hat.

Yasiel Puig, center field
Song: Elvis Crespo, “Bailalo”
Reveals: Don’t bring your girlfriend to the same club as Puig, unless you’re very confident in your relationship and merengue dance moves.

Matt Kemp, right field
Song: Lionel Richie, “All Night Long”; Disclosure, “Latch”
Reveals: First player to ever use at-bat walk-up music to sub-Tweet Rihanna. Kemp is still upset that he had to miss HARD Summer.

Clayton Kershaw, starting pitcher
Song: fun., “We Are Young”
Reveals: No one is perfect.

Zack Greinke, starting pitcher
Song: Red Hot Chili Peppers, “Snow (Hey Oh)”
Reveals: Common prank in the Dodgers locker room is Greinke standing around naked except for a sock around his junk. No one really finds it that funny.

Brian Wilson, setup man
Song: Vaski, “Zombie Apocalypse”
Reveals: Gets really offended when you use the word “brostep” around him. Really wanted to go to HARD Summer with Kemp — vows to get to EDC next year.

Kenley Jansen, closer
Song: Tupac, “California Love”
Reveals: He knows how to party, took the recent shooting of Suge Knight personally and prays to a Tupac shrine instead of Jobu.

Prediction: Dodgers make it to their first World Series since 1988, provided they pick up DJ Khaled on waivers to teach them how to do nothing but win. 

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