What Each Dodger Player's Walk-On Music Says About Them

[Editor's note: Weekly scribe Jeff Weiss's column, "Bizarre Ride," appears on West Coast Sound every Wednesday. His archives are available here.]

See also: Julia Holter Dims the Noise

The dog days of summer haven't deterred the Dodgers. After a brutal start filled with frequent cries to fire the manager, the boys in blue have become the National League's hottest team.

Maybe it's manifest destiny considering they boast the NL's highest payroll by a cool $70 million. Maybe it's the combination of good fortune and grit that you get when Magic Johnson is a minority owner. After all, there's a weird serendipity unseen at Chavez Ravine since a gimpy Kirk Gibson crushed a walk-off home run in the 1988 World Series.

The pitching staff double as weapons of mass destruction down to a starter who shares a last name with a Street Fighter character. Hanley Ramirez and Yasiel Puig (the latter the greatest rookie phenom since Stephen Strasburg) electrify the offense.

With the playoffs drawing closer, it's time to study the at-bat music of the 2013 squad to help predict whether they're capable of winning the franchise's first fall classic in a quarter century.

Adrian Gonzalez

Kutless, "Chance of a Lifetime"; Mariachi Vargas, "El Mariachi Loco"

What this may reveal

Gonzalez welcomes sponsorship opportunities with advertisers seeking to court both the Latin and evangelical baseball-loving demographics. His favorite actor is Antonio Banderas.

Matt Kemp

Young Jeezy, "R.I.P."

What this may reveal

Matt Kemp has asked Yasiel Puig for the Spanish translation of "ratchet." He's using his music as a meta-commentary on his frequent trips to the disabled list.

Brian Wilson

House of Pain, "Jump Around"

What this may reveal

Brian Wilson is a white person.

Carl Crawford

Future featuring Trae tha Truth, "Long Live the Pimp"

What this may reveal

The Houston native crosses himself and points to Pimp C in the sky before every at-bat. Don't leave your girl around Carl Crawford.

Hanley Ramirez

Rihanna, "Pour it Up"

What this may reveal

Hanley Ramirez will wear a do-rag whenever the fuck he feels like it. He's secretly trolling Matt Kemp.

Yasiel Puig

Secreto El Famoso Biberon, "Papa Dios Me Digo"

What this may reveal

The Cuban midseason call-up has already supplied Kemp with at least eight different Spanish synonyms for "ratchet."

A.J. Ellis

Foo Fighters, "Walk"

What this may reveal

A.J. Ellis only likes real music made by real bros with guitars who only use their computers for email and surfing pornography. He is a fan of music originally written for the Moneyball soundtrack.


Tim Federowicz

Lil Wayne, "Right Above It"

What this may reveal

You don't want to know what Tim Federowicz will do for some Trukfit.

Zack Greinke

Red Hot Chili Peppers, "Snow (Hey Oh)"

What this may reveal

Since signing to the Dodgers as a free agent, the 2009 American League Cy Young Award winner has spent at least a dozen hours vainly attempting to find the bridge downtown where Anthony Kiedis drew some blood.

Kenley Jansen

Snoop Dogg, "I Wanna Rock"

What this may reveal

Every team needs one guy in the clubhouse celebrating the cinematic merits of Half Baked.

Andre Ethier

Delinquent Habits, "Tres Delinquentes"

What this may reveal

On several occasions, men with shaved heads, tattoos and menacing goatees have visited manager Don Mattingly. What they said remains unclear. But each time, Andre Ethier was in the starting lineup the next day.

Dee Gordon

Rick Ross, "Speedin' "

What this may reveal

Dee Gordon has been known to jump up off the 90 freeway onto a waiting speedboat in the Marina. He has the team's best fur collection.

Clayton Kershaw

Fun., "We Are Young"

What this may reveal

The moon may be on their side.

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