15. Pretty Ricky
Emerging with their mid-aughts hit "Grind With Me," Pretty Ricky somehow managed to lower the bar when it came to heartthrob groups with baby-oil-smeared chests. It's excellent that they've got great abs, and they certainly have the right to wear their shiny jackets wide open. But their musical sensibilities are questionable; someone in the group seems to have decided that New Jack Swing was too subtle. Pretty Ricky's rap-R&B hybrid is so tasteless and tacky, even, that it could make Mariah Carey blush. The point here is seduction, but it's hard to be seduced when you're nauseous. -Ben Westhoff
Where Journey was a hit factory, Foreigner are the sweatshop equivalent, churning out shoddy products full of lead paint. "Juke Box Hero" is no "Pinball Wizard"; "I Want To Know What Love Is" will make you wish you didn't; "Feels Like The First Time" will hopefully be your last; "Head Games" is not about fellatio; "Urgent" is not that; "Hot Blooded,""Double Vision" and "Cold As Ice" will send you to the doctor. "Waiting For A Girl Like You"? Maybe, but if you've got Foreigner on the playlist, she won't be waiting for you. -Ben Westhoff
With the exception of the song "Band On the Run" -- which sounds like a forgotten White Album b-side -- and the bass breakdown on "Live and Let Die," there are no greater offenders of '70s schlock than Wings. Born the year after the death of the Beatles, the group -- consisting of Paul McCartney, his wife Linda and a revolving door of drummers and guitar players -- solidified every argument that John was better than Paul. Using the spoils of the Beatles, Wings built a castle out of cheese. -Nikki Darling
12. Fleet Foxes
A good band should be like Frosted Mini-Wheats, a substantive cereal loaded with fiber and whole grains made edible by delicious sugary coating. Fleet Foxes, unfortunately, are more like Weetabix, a healthful, bowel-movement-inducing breakfast option that skimps on taste. There's undoubtedly genuine musicianship behind this Seattle outfit, it's just wholly unpalatable, lacking even the most basic hooks and melodies necessary to sustain most listeners. Of course, white people aren't like most listeners, and will tolerate almost anything they're told is good for them; hence the group's popularity. Unlike Weetabix, however, there's not a shred of evidence suggesting Fleet Foxes prevent colorectal cancer. -Ben Westhoff
11. Red Hot Chili Peppers
Funk metal is a bad idea. We love funk, we love metal, but we also love peanut butter and veggie burgers, just not together. And what about Anthony Kiedis's rapping? The "Give It Away" video could be called "Anthony and the Hand Jive," and it's even more ridiculous when he starts doing duck lips. The sex rhymes on Bloodsugarsexmagik would be forgettable if they weren't so awful -- "She stuck my butt with her big black stick / I said 'What's up? Now suck my dick.'" On the plus side, however, we do thoroughly back the legit bromance between Messrs. Kiedis and Flea. -Nicholas Pell
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!