This year there have been some pretty bad lyrics. And then there's been some pretty, pretty atrocious, awful bad lyrics. And then there's been some hellish verses like something that would spew from Satan's hairy anus. And then there's...well, you'll see. Here, for your poetic enlightenment, we'd like to offer you an objective assessment of the Top 10 Worst Lyrics of 2010. Let's see if you can you guess who's number one. Bet you can't:
10. Train, "Hey, Soul Sister"
"Your lipstick stains
On the front lobe of my left side brains"
Gross. Also, brains?
9. Train, "Hey, Soul Sister"
"I knew I wouldn't forget you
And so I went and let you
First instance of double-entendre "blow" in the song. So gross.
8. Train, "Hey, Soul Sister"
"Your sweet moonbeam
The smell of you in every single dream I dream"
Why did you have to bring up "smell"? Gross.
7. Train, "Hey, Soul Sister"
"I knew when we collided
You're the one I have decided
Who's one of my kind"
What, "soul sisters" are not one of your kind and you have to "decide" to consider them equal after you schtup them? What's this, the 21st century answer to "Brown Sugar"? Gross and wrong.
6. Train, "Hey, Soul Sister"
"Hey soul sister
Ain't that Mr. Mister
On the radio, stereo"
What fucking radio station plays Mr. Mister in 2010? Oh, the one gross douchebags listen to. That one.
5. Train, "Hey, Soul Sister"
"The way you move ain't fair you know
Hey soul sister, I don't wanna miss a single
Thing you do tonight"
Why ain't it fair? Cause she's a "soul sister"? Are you gonna question the demographics of the NBA as well, you oily white yuppie douche with alterna-dreams?
4. Train, "Hey, Soul Sister"
"Just in time,
I'm so glad
You have a one track mind like me
You gave my life direction
A game show Love Connection
We can't deny
I'm so obsessed"
As our sister publication the Village Voice pointed out on their must-read, awesome analysis of "Hey, Soul Sister," "how much do you want to bet that the initial rhyme to the word "direction" in the second verse was "erection," and not 'Love Connection'?"
3. Train, "Hey, Soul Sister"
"My heart is bound to beat right out my untrimmed chest
I believe in you, like a virgin, you're Madonna
And I'm always gonna wanna
Second instance of double-entendre "blow" in the song. Second reference to '80s radio hits. Third outdated pop reference that makes you sound like a thirtysomething douchebag who's hitting on an '80s revival young chick into minimal synth and stuff with all the wrong references. (True story, according to the Village Voice piece: "I just wrote on my computer for a while what I saw as a group of beautiful women at Burning Man dancing around the fire. I've never been there before, but that's what I imagined it would be like," said songwriter Pat Monahan. Grossssss.)
Also: untrimmed hair. Shudder.
2. Train, "Hey, Soul Sister"
"Well you can cut a rug
Watching you is the only drug
So gangster, I'm so thug
You're the only one I'm dreaming of
You see I can be myself now finally
In fact there's nothing I cant be
I want the world to see you'll be with me."
We're speecheless. "Gangster"--that's the first thing that comes in mind when we think about Train.
And the number 1 Worst Lyric of 2010 is... (are you ready?):
1. Enrique Iglesias, "Tonight (I'm Fucking You)"
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I'm fucking you"
RIP, Pop Music (1955-2010): 1955, "We're gonna rock around the clock tonight". 2010, "Tonight I'm fucking you"