Top 10 Songs For the Apocalypse (Bird Death? Crabicide? Snooki's Book? Signs of the Endtimes!)
But instead of locking yourself in your room and waiting idly for the Stay Puft Marshmellow man to step on your face, you may as well go out in style.
For your listening pleasure in these end times, we've compiled the top 10 songs for the apocalypse:
10. Don't Fear the Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult
All our times have come
Here but now they're gone
Seasons don't fear the reaper
Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain..we can be like they are
Blue Oyster Cult imagines love at the end of the world, with maximum cheesiness possible. Their vision is basically a romance novel cover, but the song itself is an apocalypse classic. It does need a little more cowbell.
9. It's the End of the World as We Know It - R.E.M.
Uh oh, overflow, population, common food, but it'll do.
Save yourself, serve yourself.
World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed.
Tell me with the rapture and the reverent in the right - right.
You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright light, feeling pretty psyched.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.
While R.E.M.'s armageddon anthem looked at the social ills of the world as the beginning of end, their song "Shiny Happy People" may have been the cause of humans' drive towards extinction.
8. Blackened - Metallica
True death of life
Human race expectation
Lay to waste
See our mother
Put to death
See our mother die
Take your breath away
Millions of our years
In minutes disappears
In the 1980's, Metallica's death obsession manifested itself nearly every track put out by the Bay area band. Apocalypse was on their mind too, as the Cold War's nuclear stand-off was an everpresent fixture on the nightly news and in popular media. Metalica's lyrics were part horror film, part warning for a bleak future yet to come.
7. When The Man Comes Around - Johnny Cash
And I heard, as it were,
the noise of thunder:
One of the four beasts saying: "Come and see."
And I saw. And behold, a white horse.
There's a man goin' 'round takin' names.
An' he decides who to free and who to blame.
Everybody won't be treated all the same.
There'll be a golden ladder reaching down.
When the man comes around.
The Man in Black spent most of his career investigating death and what was on the other side. Johnny Cash wrote many songs about dying, but few lay out the plans for Judgment Day like "When the Man Comes Around."
6. Black Hole Sun - Soundgarden
In my eyes, indisposed
In disguise as no one knows
Hides the face, lies the snake
The sun in my disgrace
Boiling heat, summer stench
'Neath the black the sky looks dead
Call my name through the cream
And I'll hear you scream again
In the 90's, grunge was all about angst for the sweater set. Soundgarden's "Black Hole Sun" captured the self-loathing epidemic inherent in the grunge milleu, but the iconic video portrayed the end of the world as a psychedelic mess that would be awesome to witness.
5. Tom Waits - Earth Died Screaming
There was thunder,
there was lightning,
then the stars went out
And the moon fell from the sky,
it rained mackerel,
it rained trout
And the great day of wrath has come,
and here's mud in your big red eye
And the poker's in the fire and the locusts take the sky
Well, the earth died screaming
While I lay dreaming
When Terry Gilliam was looking for a song to epitomize the post-apocalyptic vision of his film "12 Monkeys," he turned to the great growler Tom Waits. "The Earth Died Screaming" isn't the most comforting idea for the world's ultimate conclusion, but Waits' imagination is always an enjoyable place to visit.
4. Aenema - Tool
Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see Armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will.
I sure could use a vacation from this
Bullshit three ring circus sideshow of
Here in this hopeless fucking hole we call LA
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away.
Any fucking time. Any fucking day.
Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay.
Leave it to Tool to welcome the apocalypse. On "Aenema," Maynard beckons a cataclysmic tidal wave to eat up L.A. and all of Beverly Hills with it. Of course, we all know L.A. rules, but sometimes when you're stuck in traffic or caught in a halo of perfume stench at a cheesy club your out of town guests want to visit, Tool's sentiment rings true.
3. Raining Blood - Slayer
Trapped in purgatory
A lifeless object, alive
Death will be their acquisition
The sky is turning red
Return to power draws near
Fall into me, the sky's crimson tears
Abolish the rules made of stone
Slayer is a nuclear bomb of sound. With their maximum aural assault, Slayer's the perfect band to prepare your eardrums for the end times. As for their predictions fo how it all ends? Holy war and total annihilation. Have a nice day!
2. Number of the Beast - Iron Maiden
Woe to You Oh Earth and Sea
for the Devil sends the beast with wrath
because he knows the time is short
Let him who have understanding
reckon the number of the beast
for it is a human number
its number is six hundred and sixty six.
Iron Maiden was always on apocalypse watch. Probably 78.3 % of their songs (and 100% of their T-shirts) dealt with varying ways the world would end, but few are as metal as "Number of the Beast." With blitzkrieg guitars and spooky lyrics, it's easy to imagine Maiden's bony mascot Eddie raising from the bowels of the earth to eat your soul.
And the Number One Song for our collective impeding doom is:
1. The End - Doors
This is the end
This is the end
My only friend, the end
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
The Doors' ominious harbinger of impending doom made for one of cinema's most terrifyingly beautiful scenes during the scorched earth scenario in "Apocalypse Now." It's only fitting that when the Armageddon comes, Mr. Jim Morrison will lead the way.
What songs will be on your Armageddon playlist? Let us know in the comments.
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