Drugs are bad. So is standing for hours at Coachella in triple-digit heat to soak up eardrum-shattering decibels while drinking booze out of smuggled insulin bottles.
Many people, however, are down for doing bad stuff. At Coachella. So since we're not gonna convince them otherwise, we're gonna be servicey. Here's our list of Top Ten Bands To Do Drugs To At Coachella (with the ideal drug to pair each band with):
10. Sleigh Bells
Experimental pop duo, Sleigh Bells, sounds like the crunchy, erratic tremors of a night of meth-fueled euphoria mixed with the cranked-out paranoia that your head is going to explode shards of glass and glitter. Sleigh Bells smacks you over the head with hypersonic, rhythmic libido and push you over the precipice until the heightened acceleration of falling cracks your skull against the floor of sound. Watching them at Coachella on Meth might be the scariest thing you've ever done, or you might walk away with knowledge of a previously-secret fail-proof hipster weight loss routine.
9. Animal Collective
Animal Collective's summery, psychedelic freak folk already causes delusions of mass musical unity and intense hallucinations without the actual addition of perfectly-paired drug, LSD. Their tripped-out cerebral melodies twist through the same receptors of your brain that control psychosis and reality expansion, flipping off the heavy societal filter. By the end of their Coachella set you will either be completely lucid, psychoanalyzing the micro-movements of every person around you as the move in rhythm to the music, or you will be writhing naked in the grass, trying to absorb the "soul" of the universe.
Drug: Whatever You Can Get Your Hands On
Doing drugs during Shpongle should be a no-brainer, or rather you should lose your brain to varied chaos of whatever chemical plaything you can manage to mule onto the festival grounds. Shpongle's fuzzy, drugged-out ambient techno was written as a musical reactions to experiencing sensations, most likely sensations occurring during transcendental moments of heavy drug use. If you really want to feel what Shpongle is feeling, you will have to climb up the ladder of musical notes to their ethereal sonic ship made of neurochemical clouds.
Dance-pop collective, Gayngs, is lush, languorous and hedonistic--kind of like a 1970s key-swapping orgy with a bowl full of quaaludes and naked, writhing bodies on bear skin rugs. The R&B-tinged aphrodisia of their melodies with the slurred electro-based back drop acts like a glammed-out disco biscuit, sure to cause some baby-making in the oppressive heat of the Coachella Valley sun.
6. Nas & Damian Marley
Drug: Copius Amounts of Weed
One word: Marley. As if even the hint of reggae isn't enough to get you smoking ganja immediately, Nas' literate and punctuated rhymes combined with the sun-drenched reggae swagger of Damian Marley, will. Honestly, you probably don't even need to bring your tools for "green living" through the gates. Just go to the Nas and Damian Marley show, position yourself in the middle of the crowd, and breathe deep.
The sparkling, dreamy minimalist techno of Trentemoller acts as the perfect albeit subtle compliment to an overwhelming four to six hours of MDMA pleasure floods. Instead of pummeling you with throbbing, libidinous beats that will take your Ecstasy adventure to the Land of the Morning After Pill, Trentemoller literally hugs the amygdala in a warm cocoon of calming stability and refined, multidimensional beats.
Disregarding the obvious observation that '90s Britpop and alternative rock was the soundtrack to the height of "heroin chic," the sensual, opiate-infused quality of Suede's neo-glam sucks you into a sludgy, sexy well of heavy melody. Watch all around you as pale, wan anglophiles lift their track-marked arms to the twilight and teeter on their chunky retro boots to see their Coachella legacy band and front-man hero, Brett Anderson.
3. Empire of The Sun
The neon-washed electro-glam duo, Empire of the Sun, call their music a "spiritual road movie," which is perfect for the transporting, fairy-like qualities of magic mushrooms. With a few nibbles of hallucinogenic psilocybin, the Australian lads of Empire of the Sun, will literally turn the inevitable scorching heat of the Coachella Valley day into a castle of light from whence the crowned kings throw rays of musical joy onto their blissed-out, mushroomed minions.
2. Gogol Bordello
Gogol Bordello's spastic, freaked-out gypsy punk can already make the listener feel like the having seizures and severe mood swings, albeit induced by the manic grind of the accordion and not a herbal cigarette laced with PCP. Guaranteed to make you fly over the crowd after you punch someone in the mosh pit, PCP is your go-to drug for complete and utter musical anarchy--something Gogol Bordello may happily approve of.
And for the number one artist to do drugs to at Coachella...
1. Kanye West
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"No one man should have that power," or in Kanye West's case, ego. Or his manic tendencies to talk (or tweet) excessively. Or his predilection to saying things only people filled with delusions of grandeur and self-righteous false confidence from a few too many lines of cocaine would say. Not a Kanye West fan? You just need to get on his level. A few snort-heavy bumps of nose candy and your dilating pupils will dance with joy to West's brash, boisterous beats.
Think we missed someone? Tell us what band you can't wait to do drugs to at Coachella.