[Editor's note: Odd Future member Lionel Boyce writes a weekly column for West Coast Sound. His archives are available here.]
During my 20 years of living, I have accomplished many things and acquired many skills. One of the more impressive things that stands out is the brief period when I took the surfing world by storm.
Surfing came as naturally to me as picking up a spoon to eat a bowl of cereal would come to a dog if they had opposable thumbs, which would be very natural because they are fast learners. My first time surfing was when I was 9 years old. I remember it as if it were 11 years ago. I had been on punishment for wandering off and getting lost while at Macy's with my mom and was not allowed to go outside.
While stuck in the house watching TV, I came across a surfing competition. After five minutes of watching I turned to Rocket Power, which is a cartoon about young kids surfing. Unfortunately my mom came in and caught me watching TV, which got me in more trouble.
Still, watching those shows gave me a new calling. When I got off punishment I decided to try exactly what I had seen on television and headed to the beach. It was a violent storm that day and there were huge waves around 10 feet high crashing into one another. I was slightly intimidated at first, but after playing "Return of the Mack" by Mark Morrison repeatedly in my head, I worked up enough nerve to take on the waves.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
I grabbed my board and swam out into the water, but the waves began to settle because the big one was coming. I waited for a few minutes, and just when I was getting ready to swim back to shore, I looked back to see a wave 100 feet high charging straight at me.
Immediately I knew that it was either surf or risk being pulled into the ocean and devoured by a giant octopus. I began paddling until the wave took me up into the air; then I hopped up on the board and rode the shit out of that wave. People often compare seeing that moment to seeing a pack of unicorns, or their first time eating a frozen Twinkie. That began what was known as Surfing's Postmodern Era.
I surfed professionally for seven weeks, and over that period I competed in Mavericks, World Qualifying Series and the ASP World Tour, all of the biggest competitions. I earned first place in each one.
After winning all of those trophies and awards, I grew tired of competing professionally, which led to my early retirement. Every now and then I will show up at the beach and put on a show with my awesome moves and graceful skills. If you see me in a tuxedo at the beach, be prepared to see some good-ass surfing. -L-Boy