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The Top 20 Whitest Musicians of All Time: 10-6

The Top 20 Whitest Musicians of All Time: 10-6

See also:

*The Top 20 Whitest Musicians of All-Time: 20-16

*The Top 20 Whitest Musicians of All-Time: 15-11

*Top 20 Whitest Musicians of All-Time: 5-1

*Top 20 Worst Bands of All Time

10. Eric Clapton

Eric Clapton makes Jack White look like Son House. Dude tries so hard it's

embarrassing. Kind of weird, considering his pithy quip to a London audience in August

1976, "This is England, this is a white country, we don't want any black wogs and coons

living here." Slowhand was drunk, but has never apologized for the comment; on the

contrary, he's repeatedly defended it. Nor has Clapton ever apologized for the 50 years

he's spent making bland, boring approximations of the blues for beer commercials and

the bar bands of Topeka. After all, nothing says "authentic blues" like the

synthesizer licks on "Forever Man." -- Nicholas Pell

The Top 20 Whitest Musicians of All Time: 10-6

9. James Blunt

James Blunt would make an excellent toothpaste ingredient, such is his blinding whiteness. He also has a song that climaxes with a rousing chant of "I'm so hollow baby/ I'm so hollow." Meanwhile, "You're Beautiful" was so uncool that even the castrato himself felt the need to darken it up a few shades by reminding folks it's sung from the perspective of a stalker. After all, that excuse did wonders for Sting. -- Dan Weiss

The Top 20 Whitest Musicians of All Time: 10-6

8. Sarah McLachlan

There's a line in Buffy the Vampire Slayer where Willow says something about making love and Xander is all, "Wild monkey love? Or tender, Sarah McLachlan love?" When your very name is a signifier on Buffy for dreary, un-monkey-like sex -- and when the edgiest thing you've ever done is an XTC cover -- you are officially a deeper shade of pale. -- Andy Hermann

 

The Top 20 Whitest Musicians of All Time: 10-6

7. Belle and Sebastian

You've heard the expression white person problems? They could just as easily be called Belle and Sebastian problems. The characters in the Glasgow twee legends' songs are afflicted by boredom, sexual frustration, ennui, religious confusion, and, on occasion, a bit more happiness than they're comfortable with. The singing is precious, the instruments are gentle, and one gets the feeling that none of this would be possible without Zoloft. The fact that they're one of my favorite groups probably says something about my own complexion. -- Ben Westhoff

The Top 20 Whitest Musicians of All Time: 10-6
Anton Corbijn

6. R.E.M.

Now that their breakup's final, we can officially call R.E.M. the pinnacle of white signifiers in rock. From Peter Buck's guitar heroes being the Byrds to Bill Berry's surf-punk drumming to Stipe's garbled obscurisms ("Play 'Swan Swan H'!"), these liberal Southerners managed to skim all that is funky off of rock and roll. They once described themselves as a rock band who play sitting down; it's fair to say that's how their audience likes to listen to them, as well. -- Dan Weiss

See also:

*The Top 20 Whitest Musicians of All-Time: 20-16

*The Top 20 Whitest Musicians of All-Time: 15-11

*Top 20 Whitest Musicians of All-Time: 5-1

*Top 20 Worst Bands of All Time

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