The Official Power Rankings of When White People Feel Comfortable Rapping the N-word

YouTube screengrab of Michael Bolton in Office Space
White people love rapping along to hip-hop music. This means they are often faced with a choice of either saying the n-word loudly and aggressively, or leaving a self-conscious gap.

Even if they're not trying to be offensive, they often are. it's still a weird situation. So to shed some light, we put our heads together with the nation's top scientists to determine the official power rankings of when and where white people feel comfortable rapping the n-word.

#1 - At night, alone in a car, with windows rolled up.

#2 - Anything involving Drake.

#3 - At a mid-afternoon Lupe Fiasco set at Lollapalooza.

#4 - At any bar that serves $7 shots named after Family Guy characters.

#5 - While Fat Joe is rapping.

#6 - Minutes after purchasing a limited edition Mountain Dew beverage.

#7 - While throwing up a finger gun in the sideways gangsta-style five minutes before a Machine Gun Kelly show.

#8 - At an Odd Future show.

#9 - At Hot Topic.

#10 - As Schoolboy Q performs at Pitchfork Music Festival, Ryan Schreiber looking on, a single tear rolling down his cheek.


#11 - While scolding one's little sister for not listening to "real hip-hop."

#12 - While being old.

#13 - While making direct eye contact with Mos Def.

#14 - While not having a black friend.

#15 - While identifying as a Common fan.

#16 - At a Dead Prez show.

#17 - While in HIS 317L: History of the Black Power Movement taught by Professor Moore.

#18 - During "New Slaves"

#19 - While borrowing the imagined thrills of gang life to bolster an autopilot existence.

#20 - While feeling the guilt of borrowing the imagined thrills of gang life to bolster an autopilot existence.

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